Re-Evaluating Bad Movies

World's End is the least annoying one, I'll give you that.

Buffering the pain is the fact that the title was turned into a much better Edgar Wright movie.

No I don't.

I don't doubt it works for fans in a midnight screening context. It's a spectacle and if you like the characters they all technically have a moment to shine. But I don't know how much props I have to give to a crowdpleaser that only really works for the kind of dedicated superfans who are going to see the film on opening midnight. Something like Endgame is a much better example give that someone like my Dad, who has seen maybe a third of the MCU and liked less, could stroll in on a Sunday afternoon and have a great time.

It's not that the movie is confusing, it's that none of the plot developments mean anything because characters are constantly switching sides and striking deals without consequence. Coupled with a near three runtime and several overbloated action scenes that for all their flash can't come close to the excitement of Sparrow and Will's duel from the first movie and the whole thing is just tedious.

I understood what was happening in Pirates 3 just fine, I just didn't care about any of it.

That's not a fair comparison. A better example would be this: The Matrix. The first Matrix was beloved by all and all were hyped for the sequels. Matrix Reloaded comes out. Box office hit. But most people hate it. Matrix Revolution is then released to little or no fanfare. With Pirates of the Caribbean, everyone falls in love with Jack Sparrow and SnoBorderZero masturbates to Orlando Bloom. Dead Man's Chest comes out. People supposedly hate it but it becomes the THIRD movie to ever gross a billion dollars worldwide. At World's End follows, supposedly with the stink of Dead Man's Chest, and it manages to become the highest grossing movie of 2007 worldwide. Beating Harry Potter. A fourth one comes out a few years down the line. Supposedly no one asked for it but it grosses a billion dollars worldwide. These movies, in spite of their bad reputation, were more successful than The Matrix. The Matrix! They're doing something right. The only other comparable franchise would be Transformers. Those movies were insanely popular BUT they alienated fans WAY MORE by the end. That fifth Pirates outgrossed that fifth Transformers by over $200 million worldwide. And if that wasn't enough. That fifth Pirates outgrossed the freakin Justice League. The Justice League! The damn Pirates franchise has their shit together more than DC. Again. They're doing something right.

I cover this in my review, but Norrington's death happens too early and with minimal impact. What does he accomplish other than getting Elizabeth off the Dutchman? There's still another hour of fighting and spectacle and comedy (did we really need two unfunny buddy duos in these movies?) that by the time I get to the end I hardly remember Norrington was in the movie. And it's especially overshadowed by Jack Sparrow performing a similar heroic sacrifice, giving up immortality to save Will. And while Will and Elizabeth's story does have a consequential ending, the road to get there is so long and bogged down by unnecessary baggage that it's ultimate impact is minimal. Yeah, there is something rather ballsy about ending their story in such a dark way, but there's so much other stuff that it's ultimately drowned out.



I agree more or less entirely with this.


I also wanted to respond to some of your other points now that I'm at my laptop and not on my phone.

Yes, they dive more into the characters, but the only people who really benefit from this are Will and Elizabeth (and maybe Norrington, even if I stand by they drop the ball with him). The expanded focus on Sparrow mostly shows how thin the character is and he starts to get annoying. The worst parts of At World's End are probably the scenes with multiple Depps playing off of each other. Barbossa's return doesn't add much apart from the general entertainment value of Geoffrey Rush, but he doesn't really need to be there.

The East India Trading Company is a good idea but one which is swallowed by everything else. Although I agree, homeboy's death scene is pretty cool.

The weird Verbinski touches do add a lot of personality, but my enthusiasm for some of the design elements and visual flourishes has to be balanced by the series's god awful comedy. Obviously this is pretty subjective, but man these movies become painfully unfunny as they go (this is admittedly worse when Verbinski leaves).

I generally find the action in this series chaotic and dull given they're often battles with supernatural creatures who seemingly can't die. I do like the three-way duel you mention at first, at least until it becomes a cartoon. I will agree that the Kraken scene at the end of Dead Man's Chest is genuinely awesome and the action high point of the series. But this makes it all the more infuriating when the creature is killed off-screen.

As for the music, it's definitely good, but it doesn't rock my world the way other franchise themes to. Again, a highly subjective point, but it's how I feel.

It makes me wonder whether their decision to do a reboot sans Depp is a good one. Doubtful Johnny comes back even though people loved Jack Sparrow and Barbossa is dead. Orlando Bloom can't carry a franchise by himself and is hardly a movie star at this point so they'll have to go with someone completely new, rumor has it it's going to be a chick. I dunno, they could bury this franchise if it's not done exactly right.

I would argue if they really want to keep it going, something direct to Disney+ might be a more viable option than theatrical.

Next they’re gonna bitch about the Matrix sequels