Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Nov 4, 2023 15:57:22 GMT -5
Shot in the Dark is the last I watched. Correct that, sir.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Nov 5, 2023 1:10:10 GMT -5
REVENGE OF THE PINK PANTHER (1978) I was expecting the worse when I sat down to watch Peter Sellers’ final performance as Inspector Clouseau. The Pink Panther Strikes Again is a great babysitter for Doomsday’s children, but it’s a batshit crazy movie for anyone over the age of 6. The franchise had gone off the rails and I fully expected to watch Peter Sellers go off into space with Roger Moore. But surprisingly, and this is good news for IanTheCool as he goes off on his Clouseau journey, is sorta back to basics (at least for the 70’s run of Pink Panther movies). Mel Brooks collaborator Ron Clark stepped in to cleanup the script (Sellers and director Blake Edwards weren’t on speaking terms by this point) and we get the most cohesive screenplay in the entire 70’s run. A criminal organization (inspired by the French Connection) puts out a hit on Clouseau. They believe they succeeded and set out to do a heroin deal in Hong Kong. As SnoBorderZero can see in the photo above, even in 1978, Blake Edwards couldn’t wait to do more yellow face jokes. Anyhoo, believed to be dead, Clouseau goes undercover in attempt to arrest them. One of my main complaints of this series, going back to the 60’s films, is that Clouseau never does any meaningful detective work. He’s a buffoon in his own movies and the plots often don’t matter. You’re watching a 90-minute skit starring Peter Sellers. That issue is solved here as Clouseau is actually an active participant in the investigation. Granted, most of the work is done by Dyan Cannon (who plays the villain’s disgruntled ex-mistress), so Clouseau really only has to get the bad guys to lead him to the heroin. But that’s more than he’s done in the entire series. Cannon is great. She’s the best of the leading ladies. Cato is finally given significant screen time and joins in to help bust the drug deal. I’m sure 1godzillafan was thrilled about that. Cato is awesome. I also love Henry Mancini’s score throughout the Hong Kong scenes. Goofy but fun. The bad guys weren’t too bad. Robert Loggia has a bit part as a thug. Dreyfus still has the honor of being the series best villain. No competition here. Overall, I hate to say it, is this the best Pink Panther movie??!! The original is a perfectly fine 60’s crime caper if you accept it’s not a proper Clouseau film. Shot in the Dark gets all the praise cause it established all the comedy tropes but the script is lousy. Return is the funniest. I think 1godzillafan will attest to that, but again, the script is lousy. Strikes Again is so batshit crazy, it’s arguably the most memorable one. When the dust settles, I suspect it’ll be the only one I’ll actually remember. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good movie. That leaves us with Revenge, which is so inoffensive (let’s ignore the yellow face), that it could be included in the conversation. I think the original and Revenge are the two you can accept for what they are.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Nov 7, 2023 0:17:52 GMT -5
INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU (1968)Academy Award winning actor Alan Arkin is the George Lazenby of the Pink Panther series. I don't think IanTheCool ever expected to read such a sentence, but it happened, sir. This third film sees Arkin take over for Peter Sellers, who at this point in his career, didn't foresee this role becoming his legacy. Blake Edwards didn't return either. Bud Yorkin (of Norman Lear association) stepped in. Henry Mancini didn't come back as well. He's replaced by Ken Thorn (Richard Lester's go-to composer) who provides a surprisingly good score. Arkin's take on Clouseau is a bit different than Sellers. Imagine a 10-year-old as a French detective. That's how Arkin plays it. It's an interesting choice to say the least. The film sees him go up against a group of bank robbers. It's alright. I didn't hate it. But it's also clear this movie didn't need to exist. You can say that about all the Pink Panther movies, but they did make money. There was certainly an appetite for these films, but this one in particular is so off-brand, they should have just waited for Edwards and Sellers to come back. They just wasted everyone's time with this one. Really, the only noteable thing about this sequel is that it bridged the gap into the more cartoon-y Pink Panther movies of the 1970's. If IanTheCool went from Shot in the Dark to Return, it might seem a bit jarring, but when you factor this one in, you can see the series heading in that direction.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Nov 8, 2023 20:55:05 GMT -5
CURSE OF THE PINK PANTHER (1983)Following the death of Peter Sellers, MGM/UA wanted to continue the series with Dudley Moore (which is a great idea), but Blake Edwards declined (feeling that only Sellers can be Clouseau), and opted to resume the franchise with a new character. Before he did that, however, he made 1982’s Trail of the Pink Panther, which is not a real movie, and just a highlight reel of Sellers as Clouseau. IanTheCool can ignore that one. Only relevant part of Trail is that it sets up Curse. Clouseau goes missing and a New York detective, Clifton Sleigh, sets out to find him. Curse follows Sleigh’s search for Clouseau, while different groups try to stop him. It’s just a rehash of Strikes Again in the sense that people are trying to murder our main character. It all concludes with Sleigh meeting Roger Moore and the movie heavily implying that Clouseau faked his death and now lives as Roger Moore. Why? God only knows. The movie then ends with David Niven, Robert Wagner and Capucine, from the original Pink Panther, stealing the diamond one last time. It all comes full circle. Overall, I didn’t hate it, but Dudley Moore as Clouseau was the right decision. Blake Edwards fucked up.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Nov 9, 2023 23:34:01 GMT -5
ABOVE THE LAW (1988) Both strikes are officially over. SnoBorderZero and Doomsday can return to work. Doomsday , unfortunately, is a confirmed racist and won't work on Golden Child II with SnoBorderZero and I, but that's okay, we can search for something else. I know Doomsday is a huge Steven Seagal fan, so maybe we can start there. I'm a Van Damme guy. So I need to familiarize myself with Seagal. I figured I'd start at the beginning. 1988's Above the Law. By Warner Bros and super agent Michael Ovitz. Right off the gate, I can tell Donald Trump was influenced by this movie. It's Seagal's fantasy come to life. We begin with the origin story. Seagal, excuse me, Nico Toscani (lol), was born in Sicily but came to America and lived the American dream. In his youth he discovered aikido and moved to Japan to master it. While there, he was recruited by the CIA and went off to join the fight in Vietnam. Okay. Let's stop for a moment. How old is Steven Seagal? I think of him as a contemporary of Jean-Claude Van Damme since they broke out and had their prime in the same time period. Van Damme was a baby-faced twentysomething in Bloodsport and Kickboxer. Seagal is a, *checks notes*, Vietnam veteran? Bro. Get the fuck outta here. The guy thinks he's Stallone. Anyway... While at Vietnam, he is disgusted by the CIA's treatment of the Vietnamese, and so, he quits and moves back to America. Fast forward to 1988 and he's now a Chicago cop. By the way, I love how Seagal looks exactly the same in the Vietnam and contemporary scenes, although they take place like 20 years apart. Speaking of which, let's talk about Seagal's appearance for a moment. Van Damme was a stud in Bloodsport, which came out the same year. Seagal, meanwhile, has terrible hair. He's like 90 pounds. The man can't walk. PG Cooper should put together a compilation video of Seagal walking in this movie. It has to be seen to be believed. At no point did I find Seagal believable as a tough Chicago cop. This man looks like he works at an insurance company in Little Italy Anyhoo... Seagal, excuse me, Nico Toscani. Is Seagal really Italian? Or is this like when Van Damme used to play Canadians in movies. PG Cooper and IanTheCool are big fans of Canadian actor Jean-Claude Van Damme. Alright, so, Nico Toscani is a tough Chicago cop. His partner is Pam Grier, who somehow looks younger here than in her heyday 70's films. She must have found the fountain of youth. Nico Toscani's wife is Sharon Stone. Sharon friggin Stone. Did Seagal have casting approval? So... Nico Toscani is a tough Chicago cop. Ex Vietnam veteran. Ex CIA agent. His wife is Sharon Stone. Does Steven Seagal go around telling people that this movie is based on a true story? At least that's the impression I get. So... Nico Toscani's priest is murdered in an explosion and now Nico Toscani will go above the law to avenge his death. That's the plot. His priest is killed. His priest. I don't think Steven Seagal has ever stepped foot in a church. Alright, Doomsday. Here's my pitch. Let's take Pete Davidson. We'll give him a receding hairline and a ponytail. His wife is Gal Gadot. A group of Palestinians murder his rabbi. Above the Law: The sequel: The remake. Coming to theaters in 2025. We'll send SnoBorderZero to Russia to film Steven Seagal's cameo.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Nov 27, 2023 23:38:36 GMT -5
SON OF THE PINK PANTHER (1993)
The original Pink Panther series comes to an end in this rather pointless sequel starring Roberto Benigni as Clouseau's illegitimate son. I don't mind Benigni (most people in America don't find him amusing) but his brand of comedy isn't necessarily in alignment with Peter Seller's. If anyone was to do Pink Panther movies in the 1990's, the obvious choice would have been Mike Myers. It also doesn't seem like Blake Edwards knew how to adapt these Looney Tunes style of Pink Panther movies for the 90's. Sure, John Hughes was making Home Alone movies and Baby's Day Out during this period, but the protagonists in those movies weren't idiots. Edwards needed to accept that audiences didn't want to spend 90 minutes watching a buffoon.
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Doomsday
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Post by Doomsday on May 10, 2024 15:26:19 GMT -5
Hardcore has always been one of those 'one of these days' movies. I'll get around to it eventually. Some day. It came and went on Tubi and you missed it. Step up your game, sir. And it came again (no pun). Just gave it a spin. That was something.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on May 10, 2024 17:38:05 GMT -5
It came and went on Tubi and you missed it. Step up your game, sir. And it came again (no pun). Just gave it a spin. That was something. thebtskink, we did it again!
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thebtskink
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It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
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Post by thebtskink on May 10, 2024 20:37:04 GMT -5
It came and went on Tubi and you missed it. Step up your game, sir. And it came again (no pun). Just gave it a spin. That was something. I expect nothing less than 2.5 stars on Letterboxd
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IanTheCool
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Post by IanTheCool on May 11, 2024 10:10:17 GMT -5
I finally watched Showgirls. I was expecting a complete disaster, but it was better than its reputation suggests. I mean, still not good. But its sort of competent?
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Doomsday
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Post by Doomsday on May 11, 2024 12:14:27 GMT -5
And it came again (no pun). Just gave it a spin. That was something. I expect nothing less than 2.5 stars on Letterboxd I quite enjoyed it, even the kinda hokey and cornball parts where George C. Scott pretends to be a porno producer and wears flashy clothes to blend into the 70s sex scene. Probably the most offensive part of the movie was when he and the prostitute took a plane from Los Angeles to San Diego which is just a little over 100 miles.
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Post by Doomsday on May 25, 2024 9:46:16 GMT -5
I just watched John Huston's Moby Dick for the first time. Not a perfect movie but I liked it a lot. It always made me laugh that they made In The Heart of the Sea almost ten years ago that turned out to be a massive bomb because everything about it seemed so strange. Imagine the pitch to Warner Bros. execs.
Ron Howard: Boy do we have a movie for you! Execs: Sweet, lay it on us. Ron Howard: You know Moby Dick? Execs: Oh yeah, so you want to remake Moby Dick? Ron Howard: No. Execs: What? Ron Howard: We want to make a movie on the story that Moby Dick was based on. Execs: Uhhh, why not just remake Moby Dick? Ron Howard: Because this is the story behind Moby Dick? Execs: But nobody gives a shit about Moby Dick. Ron Howard: Exactly, so we're going to do a story about the story. Execs: If people don't care about Moby Dick why would they care about the real story? Ron Howard: We need $200 million.
But I was thinking, if they were going to remake it why not cast Russell Crowe as Ahab? He's the right age, right temperment, he'd be a good fit. Considering how beloved Master and Commander is despite also being a bomb and never getting the sequel(s) it deserved, it would be a solid companion piece if they actually tried to do the novel justice. Even without having read the book you can tell that Huston's movie is very abbreviated and trimmed, it's fun and exciting but doesn't feel complete. Someone pitch this. And not Ron Howard.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Jun 22, 2024 18:27:17 GMT -5
Popeye (1980)Popeye was a bomb in 1980, one that played a part in Robert Altman being ghettoized from Hollywood for a decade, but the film has slowly gained a fan base over the years. The film is a musical comedy that attempts to adapt the tone and style of the cartoon to live-action, meaning we get zany characters, exaggerated motion, and weird sound effects, but all set in a fairly real environment and with a larger still camera. The results are interesting, I suppose. I can't say the film to be particularly funny and the story is pretty weak (and also ends on a climax involving a ridiculously fake looking Octopus) but the film does have a sort of off-beat charm. It's a unique little movie, with Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall giving very fun performances in Popeye and Olive Oyl. I can't call Popeye a good film, but I do kind of see the appeal. C-
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Jun 24, 2024 15:44:04 GMT -5
STREET FIGHTER (1994)As someone who was alive and conscience in 1994, and had played the infamous Street Fighter 2, I know exactly why everyone hated this movie. The answer: how the fuck is this Street Fighter? It looks like Street Fighter. It smells like Street Fighter. But it's not Street Fighter. Street Fighter isn't about people shooting each other. It's about people fighting, damn it. And just to add insult to injury, Jean-Claude Van Damme is cast in the main role and his only fight scene is with Raul Julia. This movie is bullshit. Or at least I thought so till 2005 when YouTube came into the scene. Turns out, Street Fighter is an awesome movie. That's Raul Julia, suffering from stomach cancer, and giving the best performance of his career. There's no doubt he makes this movie worth watching. And he's not alone. Everyone is hilarious in this movie. You have no idea how much I laugh while watching this giant turd. Well... Deexan knows. He shares my love for crappy movies. And so does Doomsday . But let's be real for a moment. This movie IS bad. Steven E. de Souza may have struck gold as a screenwriter in the 1980's with classics like 48 HRS, Commando, and Die Hard, but he was out of his element here and this movie pretty ended his directing career as soon as it started. Not to mention that it killed any chances for future Street Fighter movies and other video game adaptations. So one can say that more harm was done than good. Still... I have to give the movie credit. For 9 years I thought people had forgotten about it, but the Internet is the Dr. Frankenstein of the movie business. It makes you wonder what else the Internet will bring back to life. C- (which is an upgrade from the "F" I gave it in 1994. you win this round, Internet.) This shit still makes enough money to get mentioned in a shareholder meeting. automaton-media.com/en/news/1994-street-fighter-movie-starring-van-damme-is-still-a-money-maker-according-to-latest-capcom-shareholder-meeting/
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Post by Doomsday on Jun 24, 2024 15:53:49 GMT -5
I've never actually seen the 1994 Street Fighter. I rented it when I was a kid, got through a few minutes of it then my dad made us turn it off, we went back to the video store and he made us get Iron Will. Street Fighter may be bad but fuck Iron Will.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Jun 24, 2024 16:02:03 GMT -5
I've never actually seen the 1994 Street Fighter. I rented it when I was a kid, got through a few minutes of it then my dad made us turn it off, we went back to the video store and he made us get Iron Will. Street Fighter may be bad but fuck Iron Will. Only thing I remember about Iron Will is Kevin Spacey. I was Team Balto.
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Post by Neverending on Jun 28, 2024 11:18:16 GMT -5
X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (2009)I've been saying this for the past 14 years: Hugh Jackman HAS to be Clint Eastwood's illegitimate son. Also, if Eastwood dies without making a movie with Jackman, I will be fucking pissed off. It's bad enough that Eastwood never did a movie with Charles Bronson or Steve McQueen or even James Coburn. Fuck you, Eastwood. Get your shit together.Anyway... back in 2009, my reaction to the Wolverine solo movie was indifference. The movie is obviously not good enough to defend, and considering that 2009 gave us Paul Blart: Mall Cop, it's also not bad enough to trash on the Internet. But as we all know, I'm alone in that opinion because - man - people REALLY hated this fucking movie. They were talking shit about it as soon as it was leaked on the Internet. There was so much negativity that Fox News had to fire its own movie critic at the request of the parent company. Yikes! 5 years later, I don't think I can say anything to change people's opinion because my own opinion hasn't changed. I've seen the movie twice since 2009. In 2011 before First Class and this year before Days of Future Past. And it's still the same shit. The only new insight I can offer is that First Class should have preceded Wolverine. I know that's technically impossible because Fox's contract with Marvel forces them to release an X-Men movie every 4 years and First Class wasn't ready till Matthew Vaughn signed on, so Wolverine had to take the bullet. But thematically speaking, Wolverine makes a lot more sense if you acknowledge that the story takes place after First Class. Let's go back to 2005 for a moment. Fox's plan at the time was to release two origin movies: Magneto and Wolverine. Magneto eventually evolved into First Class. And since these two movies were developed together, they share the same point-of-view. First Class was about the X-Men joining the U.S. government in an effort to stop Kevin Bacon from launching World War III, but of course, the relationship didn't work and both groups went their separate ways. And in the Wolverine movie, the U.S. government orders the military to have their own X-Men. When you think about it that way, Wolverine makes sense and it also becomes a bit more tolerable. But since there was no First Class in 2009, this aspect of the story didn't really register in people's minds. They were focused on the actual origin story of Wolverine instead of the big picture. But... as I said... I don't think this will change anyone's overall opinion of the movie. The best way to describe Wolverine is by using the expression, "it is what it is." C Pour one out for Liev Schreiber.
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