The Neverending Top Ten Thread

TEN THINGS THAT SHOULD HAVE EXISTED BY NOW

# 10 - THE HOVERBOARD
Seriously, what the f--k?

# 9 - MOVIE & TV FLASH DRIVES
Why the hell did the entertainment industry replace the DVD with...another disc? Did the music biz replace the CD with another disc? No. Someone was smart enough to create an MP3 player. Right now, I can get my USB drive, plug it on my TV, and listen to music, view photos, and watch certain videos. So, why hasn't somebody created one specifically to watch HIGH QUALITY films and television shows.

# 8 - CARS THAT DRIVE THEMSELVES
I'm aware that these technically exist, but apparently they're not safe enough to put on the road. But why? Just picture a world where an old person isn't driving slowly, a teenager isn't driving wrecklessly, and someone talking on their cellphone isn't crashing into you. Sometimes we have to let machines do all the work.

#7 - X RAY GLASSES
This past holiday season the biggest complain was that airport scanners showed your private parts. So, explain to me why X-Ray glasses haven't been invented yet.

# 6 - REAL Robots
I love all Japanese advancements, but they have been slacking here. I want a robot maid like the one from The Jetsons. What was her name again? Rosie? Yeah, that.

# 5 - That dog collar from Up
Don't we talk to whales? Then why can't I have a conversation with my dog?

# 4 - What if he shot you in the head?
Remember that scene in Dumb & Dumber where Jeff Daniels gets shot, but survives because of his bullet proof vest. Then, Jim Carrey asks, "what if he had shot you in the head?" So, I ask, yeah what if?! I can't walk around the hood comfortably if my head isn't protected.

#3 - ELECTRIC CARS
These exist, but they don't because of politics. Everyone should be driving an electric car by now, but greedy oil companies have too much connections in Washington. Because of them, the gulf coast is a mess, we're at war with Iraq, and consumers shed a tear whenever they open their wallets. And you know what the saddest part is? Cars were originally electric. When cars were invented people did not like the gas-powered ones because they made too much noise and smelled horrible. So, the electric car was the preferred choice. Do you think people in the early 20th century could have ever imagined that a hundred years later we would be in this mess? I can only imagine what bull s--t our great-grandchildren will have to deal with.

# 2 - AN ALTERNATIVE TO PAPER BILLS
Why is the government still killing trees on money? Have they ever heard of a debit card? Don't have a bank account? Fine. Just create a universal card then. "Hey, JBond, give your card so I can upload your paycheck on it." See, simple. Afraid of it getting stolen? Put a damn pin number on it.

#1 - UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IN THE U.S.
Okay. So let me get this straight. The government protects us from crime by providing a police service. They protect us from fires with firefighters. They protect us from diseases by picking up our garbage. They protect us from stupidity by providing public education. And, yet, they can't protect us from death with medical care? I guess you can't win them all.

Michael J. Fox is a brilliant comedic actor. He's so great that sometimes you forget (or didn't realize) that some of his characters were horribly written. And here's a prime example using what's arguably his SECOND most iconic character.

#7 - HE DIDN'T FIT IN
Family Ties is not Married with Children. This show is supposed to be some-what realistic. And, yet, Alex P. Keaton comes across as a cartoon character. His interest in wall street goes back to childhood. He was so good with money and numbers that he did his parents taxes. Then when he wasn't busy doing that he would be supporting Richard Nixon during the Watergate scandal. I've heard and seen brilliant children, but this is ridiculous. Especially considering that he was supposed to be 7-years-old. But things got even more eye-rolling when his brother Andrew was born. Here's a pre-school kid who he brainwashed into reading the Wall Street Journal instead of Dr. Seuss. How are we supposed to take this show seriously as a platform for social and political commentary when a character like this is the star? You didn't see nonsense like this on All in the Family.

#6 - HE WORE A SUIT AND TIE TO HIGH SCHOOL
I never understood the logic behind this. Just because he wanted to be a businessman doesn't mean he needed to dress the part for school. If your career goal is to become a lifeguard does that mean you should go to school in your swimsuit? And why did he take a briefcase instead of a bookbag? Are we expected to believe that he carried all the material for 6 classes in there.

#5 - HIS MORALS WERE INCONSISTANT
There's a difference between being fiscally conservative and socially conservative. And that's something the writer's clearly struggled with. Whenever they needed him to be funny he would serve as an Archie Bunker type character who said a lot of stupid things. But when they needed him to be serious they would contradict all that by showing the influence of having hippie parents. You can't have it both ways! Either he's a guy with 1950s white man morals or he's not. Choose a side.

#4 - HE NEVER HAD A STRONG COUNTER-POINT
Family Ties was a show written and produced by Hollywood liberals. As a result, they didn't know how to provide a voice for their conservative character. So, all his social and political views were very cliche. Just to show how badly written his character was, let's compare him to Gordon Gekko in Oliver Stone's Wall Street. That was a movie that was released during Family Ties' run and featured a character who Alex would most likely look up to. In a way, Charlie Sheen's character could have easily been replaced by Alex P. Keaton and it would have made no difference. But, anyway, Gekko, as misguided as he was, could always defend his actions in a plausable way. Even when you disagreed with the character you understood his train of thought. With Alex, he just sounded like an idiot.

#3 - HE BECAME THE STAR
Many supporting characters end up becoming the star. There was Fonz on Happy Days and Steve Urkel on Family Matters. But with Alex P. Keaton it just seemed like it was the writer's choice. I don't believe the audience demand for that character was really that high. As I said before, they were confusing Michael J. Fox's likeability and comedic timing with the character itself. To use another comparison, when you watch Teen Wolf are you watching it for the storyline and characters or because Michael J. Fox is awesome in it? The writer's didn't understand this and gave us more of the badly written character instead of using Michael J. Fox's true appeal. It wasn't till Spin City, a show by the same creator/executive producer, that they finally realized their mistake. Although I'm gonna give most of the credit to Bill Lawrence (Scrubs, Cougar Town) for fixing things.

#2 - HE MADE NO PROGRESS
Family Ties lasted 7 seasons and Alex P. Keaton was pretty much the star for all of it. You'd think they would want to evolve the character to some degree. But they didn't. Even after he dated a liberal art student (played by Michael J. Fox's future wife) and a college psych major (played by a young Courtney Coxs) he remained the same. More puzzling was when Tom Hanks guest starred in a few episodes as Uncle Ned. This was the character who was meant to explain why Alex P. Keaton was so different. Apparently, the hippie parents were the outcasts of the family. They were a product of the `60s counter-culture while everyone else was rooted in the `50s morale that made a big comeback in the Regan/Bush era of the 1980s. Uncle Ned was also Alex's role model. He was the big success in the business world. However, Uncle Ned got a reality check when the corrupt nature of the business world bite him in the butt. He got involved in a scheme that cost him his job, landed him in jail, and afterwards became an alcholic. You'd think this would be an eye-opening experience for Alex. You'd think they would want to keep this character around to teach Alex a lesson or two. But, no, he vanished from the show. That's right. Vanished. He was literally never mentioned again.

#1 - HE STOLE THE SPOTLIGHT FROM JUSTINE BATEMAN



The REAL reason anyone watched Family Ties was for the hope that Justine Bateman would be wearing a tight t-shirt. Instead, we got Michael J. Fox running around in a towel as a crazy girl chased him. Not cool man. Not cool. It wasn't till Arrested Development that she finally got the spotlight. Oh, wait. That's Jason Bateman. Hmmm.... close enough.

TEN MOVIES THAT AUDIENCES DID NOT UNDERSTAND...CONTINUED

#4 - WAR OF THE WORLDS (2005)



The post-9/11 commentary appears to have been lost on the audience.

#3 - HULK (2003)



There's many ways that this film can be interpreted, but my final conclusion was that it's about a man and his love for the vagina. Think about it. The only way the Hulk could turn back into Bruce Banner is when Jennifer Connolly shows up. The vagina is a powerful tool.

# 2 - BATMAN RETURNS (1992)



It's the only film to address the issue that Batman is as crazy as the villains he fights. Bruce Wayne is a guy who witnessed his parent's murder as a child and decided to dress up as a bat to fight crime. The Penguin was born a freak, so his parents abandoned him and now he's taking revenge on all the perfect little children of Gotham. Catwoman is an abused woman who was thrown off a window by her boss. Then she dressed up as a cat and wants to kill him. All three of them need to be locked up and get psychological treatment. It's a ballsy take on the character and his universe.

#1 - STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE (1979)



If people weren't too busy complaining about this movie's lack of action they may have noticed some of the film's commentary on love, emotions, and what is means to be a living person. Of all the Star Trek features, this is the one that's closest in spirit to the original television series. But don't say that too loud. A trekkie might hear you!

TEN THINGS REMINDING ME THAT I'M GETTING OLDER

I'm a man-child. That's why it's disappointing when something reminds me that I'm a grown ass man.

#10 - THE INTERNET



Remember dial-up? Remember AOL or Netscape? Remember chat rooms? If you do, then you're not a teenager right now. You're the 21st century version of the old man who tells his children about how he walked three miles in the snow to get to school. These days, kids can walk into McDonalds, access their FREE Wi-Fi, and download porn as they eat their chicken mcnuggets. What a strange world we live in.

#9 - CELLPHONES



Remember when the sole purpose of a cellphone was to make a call in case your car broke down in the middle of the road? Do people even make phone calls anymore? That concept seems so primitive right now.

#8 - USB/FLASH DRIVE



Remember when you needed a floppy disc to save your school report? Remember when you needed a CD to burn all those songs you illegally downloaded from Napster? The USB drive kills both birds with one stone. Damn kids and their technology. In my day, I had to walk three miles in the snow to get to school.

#7 - MUSIC TECHNOLOGY



Speaking of Napster and downloading music, remember when you had to actually visit a store to purchase your music? The movie High Fidelity must seem like The Flintstones to kids these days.

#6 - MTV

For many years, MTV was THE channel for young people. They featured the latest in music, fashion, and general entertainment to some degree. But now it has been replaced by Disney Channel. How the hell did that happen? When did MTV lose its gripe? The best they can do now is Jersey Shore. And that's a program that people watch to poke fun at. Then again, you could have said the same thing a decade ago with The Osbournes, Nick & Jessica, and Punk'd. I don't think MTV has been influential since TRL and Carson Daly. Bringing Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Eminem, and Pink to the world was their last contribution to long-lasting pop culture.

#5 - VIDEO GAMES



Video games have really come a long way. The days of simple-minded games like Pac-Man, Super Mario, and Sonic are over. Games are complex now. They have real storylines and real characters and demand a lot from the gamer. I really can't get into these modern games. It's not that their difficult. It's just that I don't feel like getting invested in something as time consuming as World of Warcraft. I'll just stick to Pong.

#4 - CABLE



I feel bad for kids these days. They never got to experience scrambled television. In the old days, if you didn't purchase a channel it would be scrambled. This is what it looked like:



For an entire generation, that's how they watched porn. These days, it's just a black screen with a box that says, "channel not purchased." Kids with good parents can no longer watch the Playboy channel.

#3 - FAST FOOD

Ever since Super Size Me, the fast food companies have felt the need to clean up their image. They're no longer the guilty pleasure meal. Now, you can eat salads, yogurts, and drink a smoothie. :rolleyes: Even worse, the kids have suffered as well. The fries and coke have been replaced with apples and milk. And remember the mascots? They've been retired. You can't have kids more familiar with Ronald McDonald than Jesus.

#2 - OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES



Kids aren't fat because of McDonald's. They're fat because they don't leave the damn house. TV, computers, and video games take up too much of their time. Now, don't get me wrong. I watched TV. I played video games. But the lack of Internet gave us that space to go outside and play. These days, parents need to time-manage their kids a lot better. Schools need to fund more recreational programs. Kids need that motivation, that push, to do stuff besides sitting on their butts all day.

#1 - CHILDREN'S TELEVISION

The main reason why kids went outside to play is because children's television was only a few hours a day. 15-20 years ago, there was only three main ways to watch cartoons. Before school (6am till 9am), after school (2pm till 5pm) and saturdays mornings (8am till noon). Now, wait. Before you scream me, yes, cable channels for kids existed. Nickelodeon launched in 1977. Disney Channel launched in 1983. And, Cartoon Network launched in 1992. But you may also recall that original programming was very limited. Heck, Cartoon Network didn't have any original shows till 1996. Before that, it was just Looney Tunes and Hanna-Barbera. These were shows that kids watched when there was nothing else to do. It was the back-up. It's raining? I don't feel like playing Mortal Kombat. Alright, I'll watch some Bugs Bunny. It's a different world now for kids. The idea of waking up early on Saturday morning to watch your favorite cartoons and then at noon running off to the neighborhood park to play with your friends has been lost. If that doesn't make you feel old, then I don't know what will.

I would take Spider-Man 3 over the reboot.

I will take Spiderman 3 over Superman III.

Dragonball was so horrible... I mean how hard is it to keep the characters and the story the same.

5 MOVIES THAT ARE STARTING TO SHOW THEIR AGE



It's 2011. We're in a new decade. This December, the first LOTR will celebrate its 10th anniversary. And so, movies, like music, are just a reminder that time flies and we're getting closer to death. So, here are five movies that remind us to start planning for our retirement.



#5 - AMERICAN PIE (1999)

Look at all those young actors on the poster. All of them are already has-beens. There is no other genre where the films age quicker than teen movies. This is the genre where every young actor makes his/her debut or if they are already known it could help them rise to fame. So, once those actors become older and established stars, or worst case scenario, has-beens, it is a reminder that the movie is over a decade old.



#4 - EQUILIBRIUM (2002)







For studios, using social networks is a major part of the marketing. We are in an era where Twitter can make or break your movie. Equilibrium, Kurt Wimmer's Matrix rip-off, is one of the earliest films to benefit from digital word of mouth. Geeks really championed this movie and let it be known that they wanted Christian Bale for Batman. It's funny to think now that this film became an online hit before MySpace, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter ever came into the picture. It relied on that ancient device we used to call the message board.



#3 - THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999)







Speaking of the internet, there was a time when people were stupid enough to believe everything they read on the internet. This was a time when the idea of a social network like Facebook sounded insane. It was a time when our parents would warn us not to reveal our true identity on the internet because someone could use that information to track us down and kill us. It was in this climate that Artisan Entertainment used the internet to tell us that a documentary about teenagers being killed by a witch in the woods would be released. We ate it up and learned our lesson. By the time Paranormal Activity was released a decade later we were prepared.



#2 - FAHRENHEIT 9/11 (2004)







In 2004, George W. Bush was up for re-election. Michael Moore tried his best to prevent his re-election by making a documentary where he informed the American public of why he was a horrible President. Can you think of anything more dated? That being said, this film is still very relevant. It was the Bush era that created all the mess we're currently in. So, this serves as a warning sign that the majority of the voting public ignored and now we're paying for it. Fahrenheit 9/11 is dated, but also ahead of its time. It's quite the contradiction.



#1 - SPIDER-MAN (2002)







For the past decade, the superhero genre has ruled the box office. It is at the height of pop culture. A high school geek can roam the hallways with a Batman t-shirt and not have his head dunked into a toilet. So, it might come as a surprise that the first Spider-Man movie, released only 9 years ago, has already aged horribly.



Let's start with the obvious. Spider-Man takes place in New York and this film was released only a few months after 9/11. As a result, it is very pro-New York and very pro-America. Remember the scene where Green Goblin is attacked by a group of people shouting, "THIS IS NEW YORK! YOU MESS WITH ONE OF US, YOU MESS WITH ALL OF US." I can assure you that there won't be a scene like that in the reboot. Or what about the ending with Spider-Man standing at the pole of the American flag?



[REMOVED]


Nothing says America like Spider-Man. He's a guy with a sick relative who can't pay his bills. And when Spider-Man isn't busy standing by the American flag he's using BULLET TIME to dodge weapons by the Green Goblin:



[REMOVED]


Are you cringing yet? Now, another thing that ages this movie is that it was released during the pre-Nolan era. This was a film that was allowed to be colorful and full of humor. Here are some stuff you no longer see in the genre:



[REMOVED]


By the way, remember what I said about American Pie? Well, it applies here too. You see the guy playing Flash Thompson? He's that handsome musclar guy on True Blood. That's right! Right now, he's this guy:



[REMOVED]


Has your jaw reached the floor yet? Well, pick it up. We're not done yet. Here's another goofy scenes from Spider-Man:



[REMOVED]


I can assure you that won't be in the reboot. Another thing to remember about Spider-Man is that it was the first MAJOR superhero hit since Batman Forever in 1995. As a result, the budget wasn't very high. Blade and X-Men also had very low budgets. So, this was the fim's BIG action scene:



[REMOVED]


That looks like nothing compared to the train fight in the sequel, Superman stopping a plane, and Batman flipping a truck. Watching that scene is like watching The Joker blow up the Batwing in Tim Burton's Batman:



[REMOVED]


Both make you realize how far along we've come. And both involved balloons. How weird.



[REMOVED]


BUT the #1 thing that ages this movie is Kirsten Dunst! YES! Kirsten "snaggle tooth" Dunst. Doomsday, JBond, and myself are depressed to be reminded that once upon a time...she was hot.

Chris Klein was a has been before American Pie 2 was released

TOP TEN OLD-SCHOOL WEBSITES







I would like to thank our favorite Canadian, IanTheCool, for inspiring this list. Here, I'm gonna post ten of my favorite websites from back in the day.



#10 - NEWGROUNDS



I don't know if Newgrounds is still popular or not. I haven't visited the site in YEARS. But back in the late 90's and early 2000's it was my favorite place to punch Justin Timberlake in the face. Newgrounds is mostly a gaming site and most of the content was ridiculously juvenile. Which is what made it so appealing to immature people like myself.

#9 - JOKE FROG
I'm guessing the site is now obscure or something. It doesn't even have its own Wikipedia page. Yikes! In the old days, this was my daily source for funny pictures. But what really made it stand out is that it wasn't blocked by the school computers. That made looking at a drawing of Monica Lewinsky performing oral sex on Bill Clinton even funnier.

#8 - WHITE HOUSE DOT COM
In the beginning, people were too uninformed to realize that everything wasn't "dot com." So millions of school children would type in white house dot com instead of dot gov and be taken to a porn site! I'll never forget the day that happened to me. For the first 5 minutes I was just thinking, "woah! Bill Clinton is a really cool President."

#7 - NAPSTER



For a short period in time, everyone in America was a crook. Now I know what Bonnie & Clyde must have felt like. Or atleast Richard Nixon.

#6 - BATMAN ON FILM
That era in-between Batman & Robin and Batman Begins was a dark one. In those years, Batman-on-Film was the #1 source for all news related to the franchise. It was a site launched by a fellow fanboy. He went through the rollercoaster of emotions with us. Then, one day, an amazing thing happened. WB finally greenlit a Batman movie. And, now, information about this new film became "important" and the REAL entertainment sites always got the first scope. BOF was no longer relevant. To make matters worse, WB decided to reach out to BOF and the site became just another marketing tool for the studio. But I will always remember the good times.

#5 - SHOCKWAVE
I'm only a casual gamer, but a decade ago I was probably more than that. This was my preferred site for online gaming. I don't know why. I just liked it. It had a nice combination of new and old games.

#4 - eBAUM'S WORLD
For many years, this was the hub for anything that was a viral hit. I guess it's still that, but it was definitely a bigger deal a few years ago. YouTube and social networks stole its thunder.

#3 - IMDb
IMDb gets a bad rap these days, but in the early days of the Internet, there was no denying its impact. It was the #1 source for ANYTHING involving movies and television. Whether the information was accurate or not did not matter at the time. If you wanted to research something movie related this was the ONLY site you visited. I cannot begin to comprehend the amount of hours I spent on the site. I visited IMDb more than porn sites.

#2 - LIVEJOURNAL




Nowadays, most people follow the believe that you should never post something on Facebook that could get you in trouble. Back in the day, no one was doing that with LiveJournal. The amount of shocking things that people would post was mind-blowing. It was social networking at its rawest.


#1 - COMING SOON. NET



Once upon a time, there was a message board named ComingSoon. It was a place to discuss movies, television, and other things too. Although most of it involved The Matrix and Lord of the Rings. There was a man named Frizzo who shared midget porn. And another man who went by Doomsday who said that LOTR would never win Best Picture at the Oscars. Many good times were spent there, but now it has been replaced by this: forums.superherohype.com/forumdisplay.php?f=31. Oh, well. Like Will Smith said in Men in Black, "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

I used to use LiveJournal religiously.

Makes sense I guess. I still use a journal, but a leather-bound one.