The Box Office Thread

In shocking news, Dracula liked the Elvis movie.

Uh, I consider two and a half stars a thumbs down.

Tom Hanks is half of the movie... 

As 1godzillafan reached his seat for his Friday afternoon screening of Minions: Rise of Gru , a sense of optimism overcame him.

“Maybe…”, he thought, “… maybe this’ll be the one.”

1godzillafan has been blogging and tweeting for longer than anyone can remember. Longer than perhaps Dracula has been alive. Longer than Doomsday searching for that Gladiator trailer.

When SnoBorderZero was just a boy, watching Power Rangers and Pokémon, 1godzillafan was writing 12-paragraphs essays of those franchises. The stuff of Internet basement dwelling legend. Decades of hard-work have led 1godzillafan to this moment. This could be his blog post or tweet to go viral. This could be the one to make him a star.

But just as quickly as that optimism had set in, it washed away even quicker.

PG Cooper and an army of well-dressed teenagers stormed into the theater. With their swagger and 3-lenses smartphone in hand, they strolled in like characters from a 1990’s Quentin Tarantino movie.

PG Cooper turns to 1godzillafan and declares with the upmost confidence, “our time is now, old man.”

What followed for the next 90-minutes was the most demoralizing moment in 1godzillafan’s life. He sunk in his chair as he witnessed PG Cooper and his goons bring cinema into the 21st century. It is no longer enough to immerse yourself in the movie, no, you must now become part of the movie. And you must share it with all your Twitter and TikTok followers because they must indulge in your version of the movie.

There’s no longer room in the world for dinosaurs like 1godzillafan. The earth keeps spinning. Either you keep up or perish. But one thing remains true. Those goddamn Minions will make money.

The 5th installment in this 12-year franchise opened this 4th of July weekend to an estimated $125 million. These Minions made more in 4 days than Buzz Lightyear in 3 weeks. PhantomKnight, go ahead and grab the shovel. Pixar is indeed dead. Long live the Minions.

Opening on Thursday is the highly anticipated Thor: Love and Thunder. But will it make more than Tom Cruise and the Minions? Stay tuned.

Here's the solution to the mystery: kids are stupid.

I saw it on Thursday, dingleberry.

Thor: Love and Thunder opened to $143M.

PG Cooper and his #GentlemenMinion movement remained strong. Minions made $45.5M and raised its total to $210M.

Dracula’s 2022 favorite film Top Gun: Maverick on the verge of $600M domestically.

Opening next weekend is Where the Crawdads Sing, based on The NY Times #1 Best Seller.

My dad said Elvis is good.

Not my dad, who hates both Top Gun and Elvis.


Well, maybe hate is a strong word. But his mom liked Elvis and he grew up listening to Metal so there was a clash.

$44M opening for Jordan Peele’s Nope.

Next weekend is DC Super Pets.

A spoiler filled trailer didn’t stop Bullet Train from topping the box office with $30M. Super Pets dropped to #2 and has a 2-week total of 45M. Jordan Peele’s Nope on the verge of $100M.

And so that concludes the summer movie season.

Last year benefited from all the movies that got delayed by Covid. Now we’re seeing the lack of productivity that was created by Covid. Doomsday and SnoBorderZero are in the biz. They can better illustrate the pressure Hollywood is to get product out. They’re likely working longer hours than what’s considered “normal” in the industry. The next 2 months should be interesting. There’s nothing of significance coming out till Black Panther 2 in November. And no, I’m not counting Black Adam and “Halloween 3”. We’ve basically turned the clock back to 2020. I’m sure Top Gun: Maverick will still be in theaters when November rolls around. Is Tenet getting a re-release? Is Nolan gonna rescue cinema again?

I can’t wait for 1godzillafan’s 10-paragraph essay on Mack & Rita starring 90-year-old Diane Keaton.