Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Apr 11, 2019 3:48:36 GMT -5
MURPHY’S LAW (1986) Grandpa Charles Bronson is framed for the murder of his ex-wife and lover. Together with a foul-mouthed female car thief, he must prove his innocence and avenge the death of his ex-wife. To quote SnoBorderZero, “this movie suuucks.” Nah but seriously it’s whatever. It’s by the numbers but it’s remarkable to watch Charlie Bronson still kicking ass in his 60’s. KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS (1989) The last movie directed by J. Lee Thompson. What an interesting career he had, perhaps worthy of a PG Cooper video essay. It’s also the last Charles Bronson movie you could call “a Charles Bronson movie.” Charlie plays a cop on the hunt for a pimp whose hookers are all drugged up teenagers. One of them played by a 16-year-old Nicole Eggert of Charles in Charge and Baywatch fame. The opening scene is her in lingerie about to get a vaselined dildo up her hoohaa, and then Charlie comes to the rescue. I ain’t joking. That’s how they start the goddamn movie. Then we meet Charlie’s teenage daughter, the high school swim star, who gets fingered in the bus by a creepy Japanese business man. Then that creepy Japanese business man’s teenage daughter is kidnapped by the pimp and forced into prostitution. Now, Charlie has to rescue her and hopefully stop the pimp once and for all. This movie is wild, brah. Bronson-Thompson certainly left on a high note.
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PG Cooper
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Post by PG Cooper on Apr 11, 2019 12:28:24 GMT -5
The last movie directed by J. Lee Thompson. What an interesting career he had, perhaps worthy of a PG Cooper video essay. Motherfucker made way too many movies. I ain't made of time. I do really like The Guns of the Navarone and Cape Fear, but not that much. |
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1godzillafan
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Post by 1godzillafan on Apr 11, 2019 13:00:59 GMT -5
Battle for the Planet of the Apes.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Apr 11, 2019 13:56:27 GMT -5
The last movie directed by J. Lee Thompson. What an interesting career he had, perhaps worthy of a PG Cooper video essay. Motherfucker made way too many movies. I ain't made of time. I do really like The Guns of the Navarone and Cape Fear, but not that much. Battle for the Planet of the Apes. Yes! Do a video essay comparing Cape Fear to Planet of the Apes to Death Wish 4. |
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SnoBorderZero
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Post by SnoBorderZero on Apr 11, 2019 16:05:33 GMT -5
I don't think anyone was more typecast in their careers than Charles Bronson. Hell, even Lee Marvin got to switch it up once in awhile. Bronson after Death Wish was only a vigilante. It was the stache, man.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Apr 11, 2019 16:47:28 GMT -5
I don't think anyone was more typecast in their careers than Charles Bronson. Hell, even Lee Marvin got to switch it up once in awhile. Bronson after Death Wish was only a vigilante. It was the stache, man. Nah, brah. He did that bare-knuckle boxing movie. Dude was in his 50’s. Crazy. Hollywood didn’t know what to do with him. Grandpa that can kick your ass? This was long before Liam Neeson. |
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Apr 23, 2019 1:25:39 GMT -5
THE PERFECT SCORE (2004) Long before Aunt Becky was scamming colleges, Captain America and Black Widow were breaking into the offices of the SAT to steal the answers to the test. Nick Fury couldn't accept them into SHIELD/Hydra unless they scored a 1400. Released by MTV Films at the dawn of 2004 (Fuck You, It's January), the movie tries to be an Ocean's Eleven for high school students. It makes some noble commentary about standardized testing, but ultimately, it's just fluff. A silly heist film for people who go to the movie theatre to makeout at the back of the auditorium. Hey, at least they're not doing it during Schindler's List.
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1godzillafan
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Post by 1godzillafan on Apr 23, 2019 1:34:20 GMT -5
Wait...I wasn't supposed to do that during Schindler's List?
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Jun 4, 2019 15:43:29 GMT -5
Con Air The late-nineties were the Golden Years of Nic Cage. He got his Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas before gifting us with The Rock, Face/Off and, well, Con Air. I was only about 12 when Con Air came out and never watched it until it was on tv a couple years later but even as a teenager, that precious period of time where everything is good, I knew Con Air was a big piece of shit. Not an enjoyable piece of shit that I can watch and have a good time like Sudden Death or Under Siege 2, I mean it's bad and stupid. My friends would watch it a lot just to kill a lazy afternoon so I've seen it a bunch and yet I never warmed to it. Nic Cage and his stupid accent are just cringe-worthy and the reason he's in jail is insane and would never have been upheld in real life. The only person who seems like they care is John Malkovich who's having a great time hamming it up as much as he can. He also has one of the dumbest deaths in action movie-dom (he flies into a junk yard I guess? And he lands on a conveyor belt and his head gets smashed by some rock smasher thing). I stumbled across some youtube clips and I watched a few and it's as bad as I remember. I doubt the movie as a whole holds up in any way and I'm still puzzled as to why some people enjoyed it as much as they did. |
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thebtskink
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Post by thebtskink on Jun 4, 2019 23:25:31 GMT -5
Why is Con-Air in this thread?
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frankyt
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Post by frankyt on Jun 5, 2019 9:31:22 GMT -5
Con air > face/off
Nic single handedly proved the Christian god exists. And that awesome 90s baggy flowing clothes on cusak the whole movie makes me nostalgic for duck shoes.
Still have my movie ticket from con air. Thanks for taking me mom.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 6, 2019 8:56:00 GMT -5
Dracula PG Cooper SnoBorderZeroTHE WRECKING CREW (1968) Dean Martin’s Matt Helms series is one of many James Bond knockoffs that were commonplace throughout the 1960’s. Wrecking Crew is the fourth and final one in the franchise. Yes, they made four of these fucking movies. Unless you’re Ramplate who was alive when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, a strong argument could be made that Matt Helms was erased from the history books. I mean, seriously, who’s still watching this shit in 2019? Then Quentin fucking Tarantino has to come along and make Matt Helms relevant again. I can see why Doomsday is so upset. The “film” is set off by the theft of a billion dollars in gold bullion. Matt Helms (played by a grandfathered aged Dean Martin) is tasked with recovering it. Then with a snap of a finger or a blink of an eye, the movie completely forgets the plot. Instead we’re treated to a sex comedy featuring Ginger from Gilligan’s Island, a German woman explicitly flaunting her breasts for 1968, the Asian chick from the opening credits of Hawaii Five-O, and of course, Sharon Tate. My best guess is this is what passed for softcore pornography in 1968. You heard it here, folks. Dean Martin made pornos. As for Sharon Tate, she’s okay, I guess. She plays Matt Helms’ sidekick who cockblocks him throughout the movie, but by the end, they be fuckin’. Think Mary Goodnight (Britt Ekland) from The Man with the Golden Gun but less campy - I guess. I don’t know. She’s good. No complaints. Also, Bruce Lee is credited as Karate Advisor. Hilarious.
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Ramplate
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Post by Ramplate on Aug 6, 2019 9:35:42 GMT -5
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 6, 2019 10:48:08 GMT -5
Already did Our Man Flint (1966) / In Like Flint (1967) These movies were terrible. I can't tell if they were James Bond spoofs, campy alternatives or both. 007 producers must have been equally confused considering how cheesy You Only Live Twice turned out. Only reason to watch them is for James Coburn as Derek Flint. Dude's hilarious. Remember when Jibbs complained about James Bond stopping his heart in Die Another Day? That happens here. Remember when SnoBorderZero complained about James Bond going into outer space in Moonraker? That happens here too. Weird, huh? Remember Hans Gruber in Die Hard? There's a Hans Gruber here. Strange how influential these dumb movies were. Surprised there wasn't a 3rd one. Surprised there isn't a 4th Austin Powers. When they gonna make silly James Bond movies again? So many questions, not enough answers. I love the fight scenes in these movies. Better than James Bond? Flint movies are fantastic. Coburn is such a great smug sarcastic asshole. He's the perfect American bond. |
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1godzillafan
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Post by 1godzillafan on Aug 6, 2019 11:09:11 GMT -5
As far as I'm concerned, there is only one spy franchise...
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 6, 2019 11:55:49 GMT -5
As far as I'm concerned, there is only one spy franchise... |
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1godzillafan
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Post by 1godzillafan on Aug 6, 2019 12:52:28 GMT -5
As far as I'm concerned, there is only one spy franchise... |
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 6, 2019 16:31:33 GMT -5
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1godzillafan
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Post by 1godzillafan on Aug 6, 2019 17:09:30 GMT -5
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Post by Neverending on Aug 6, 2019 17:46:48 GMT -5
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1godzillafan
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Post by 1godzillafan on Aug 6, 2019 18:26:14 GMT -5
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Post by Neverending on Aug 6, 2019 18:56:31 GMT -5
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1godzillafan
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Post by 1godzillafan on Aug 6, 2019 19:38:44 GMT -5
Trivia: The actress who played 66 in the Get Smart revival played G2 in Inspector Gadget 2. |
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Post by Neverending on Aug 6, 2019 19:39:51 GMT -5
Trivia: The actress who played 66 in the Get Smart revival played G2 in Inspector Gadget 2. Trivia: Andy Dick is in Get Smart ‘95 and Inspector Gadget ‘99 |
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1godzillafan
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Post by 1godzillafan on Aug 6, 2019 19:49:50 GMT -5
Trivia: The actress who played 66 in the Get Smart revival played G2 in Inspector Gadget 2. Trivia: Andy Dick is in Get Smart ‘95 and Inspector Gadget ‘99 Trivia: Don Adams played both Maxwell Smart and Inspector Gadget. |
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