Ready Reviewer One

I like how that movie found a technicality to bump themselves to the front of every alphabetical movie list it finds itself on. That's basically its main claim to fame.

E.T. (1982)



As Steven Spielberg's tribute to all things 1980's approaches, we need to address the elephant in the room. What the fuck happened to E.T.? This is one of the most successful movies ever made, and yet, almost no one talks about it anymore. The video game has a bigger legacy than the damn movie.

I have a theory.

First, let's cover why E.T. was a hit. It's the equivalent of putting the candy display at the eye level of children. We're introduced to E.T. and his species. They're just visiting Earth for a few minutes to gather plants to study back at home. The government shows up and they quickly gotta leave. In the rush, E.T. is left behind. He roams around for a bit and end's up in Elliot's backyard. Elliot is frightened at first but soon realizes he's just scared and wants to go home. They form a bond and spend the rest of the movie trying to communicate with E.T.'s species so they could pick him up. The whole story is told through the point-of-view of Elliot, his siblings and the children in the neighborhood. You can see how kids would immediately form an emotional attachment to it, and it also doesn't alienate the parents, so all those billions of dollars came in.

That was 1982. It's 2018 now. So what happened? Here's what I think. The villain of the story is... the government. I'm not joking. Elliot & E.T. are intercut with scenes of the government searching for E.T. and it's just terrifying the way Spielberg shoots those scenes. It feels like you're watching some dystopian sci-fi movie from the 1960's or 70's. This is basically the movie that turned us into cynical assholes. The whole theme is distrust for adults and authority figures. Even Elliot's own mother doesn't learn of E.T.'s existence until the end of the movie. And can you blame them? Donald Trump is President. Clearly, grown-ups shouldn't be making decisions. So watching E.T. as an adult you can't really get the same experience. You can watch Indiana Jones and feel what you felt as a kid, but with E.T., where adults are non-characters, you're on the wrong team.

Best we can do is admire the technical merits of E.T. and pass on the movie to our children. It's for them. We have stupid shit like Ready Player One to watch.

Watergate and Vietnam both happened before ET, Neverending.

*batteries not included is a VHS I used to always see at my Aunt's house as a kid whenever I was looking for something to watch over there, but I never gave it a shot.

Homestly, shady government ranks #2 below rich person/corporation in cliches movie villains

You sure it's not the shark?

The villain in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is Short Round.

He's the hero. Kate capshaw is the villain

Capshaw is the obvious red herring. The kid was the brains of the operation.

Well, they wouldn't have been in India at all if that Chinese gangster hadn't made their plane crash, so maybe he's the real villain.