Top 10 of 2017

Thanks!  Yeah, I was slightly surprised it didn't at least crack your Top 5, but hey, it was still on the list.

Heh, Logan, interesting.

Well, it's good to know that I can still surprise.

The more I think about Phantom Thread the more I appreciate it. It has definitely grown on me since I watched it.

CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED
TOP 10 OF 2017

I'm torn in-between PG Cooper and frankyt . 2017 was largely mediocre. The blockbusters were mostly lame. The prestige, as usual, are forgettable and just using awards season to spike up rentals. And yet, I kinda struggled to put together a top 10 list. I had to make sacrifices like... Blade Runner.




Yeah... but I haven't watched The Greatest Showman yet. It COULD crack the top 10.


Disclaimer: I haven't watched that gay Italian movie that's only getting a free pass cause it's gay men and not Lolita. I haven't watched Phantom Thread. I haven't watched The Big Sick. I haven't watched Coco. What else is popular around here? The Hitman's Bodyguard? Lucky Logan? Whatever.

Disclaimer: I did watch Three Billboards. It's good for a Coen Bros knockoff. I did watch Darkest Hour. Gary Oldman is awesome. The cinematography is awesome. The music is awesome. But I didn't need ANOTHER movie about dunkirk. What else is popular around here? The Boss Baby? Whatever.


Let's get this show started.




#10 - WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES



I'm a fan of this trilogy. First one is surprisingly good. Second one is stunning. Third one is a bit repetitive but I really admire the craftsmanship that went into these movies. You can make that argument for Blade Runner 2049 but at least this movie didn't have a bloated running time. Keep your running time between 90 minutes and 2 hours and you'll get brownie points. I'm sure Blade Runner 2049 would have done a lot better at the Oscars if voters didn't look at the 3 hour running time and say, "I gotta sit through this shit?"


#9 - GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOL. 2



Next to bloated running times, my biggest pet peeve is end-of-world plots but I give Guardians of the Galaxy a pass because the characters are loads of fun to watch. I can admire the craftsmanship in Planet of the Apes but I can also admire the good-nature and comradery in these movies. Side-by-side, it represents the best of science-fiction. You can have your intellectual and your fantasy.


#8 - BABY DRIVER



If the pretentiousness of Christopher Nolan had sex with the immaturity of Matthew Vaughn, it would give birth to Edgar Wright. This man loves movies and wants to propel the art form to new levels but he's a comedian at heart and his movies are a farce. Baby Driver is arguably the best put-together movie of the year. The cinematography. The editing. The sound design. It's all married flawlessly and breaks new ground at the same time. But the movie is also fucking stupid. Recycled plot. Nonsensical love story. No movie is perfect, I guess.


#7 - SPLIT



Yeah! That's right! You motherfuckers wanna fight? Meet me outside and we'll handle this like two gay men in 1980's Italy. Bring the peach. Anyway - when is James McAvoy gonna get some damn respect? Look, yeah, Gary Oldman is awesome. Give him the Oscar. That's fine. But you can't spare a fucking nomination for McAvoy? This man took a silly M. Night Shyamalan script and turned it into gold. If you praised Darkest Hour but also criticized Split, you can go fuck yourself with a peach up your ass. It's literally the same type of movie. It's two men, in a room, acting their ass off. But one is about dun-kirk and the other is a thriller, so one gets respect and the other ridicule. Fuck you. Split. #7. Deal with it.


#6 - KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE



Matthew Vaughn > Christopher Nolan

Nuff said


#5 - WIND RIVER



I can understand Split and Kingsman getting hate, but Wind River too? Yeah - it's Sicario in the snow but so what? Every 6 months people get hyped for the latest assembly line Marvel film but they get a second Sicario and lose their mind? Give me Sicario in Space! I bet you it'll be better than whatever Marvel pulls out their ass.


#4 - LADY BIRD



Part of me kinda hates this movie. It's Juno but with unsympathetic characters. Other part of me realizes that's the point. A quick Wikipedia search will tell you this is Greta Gerwig's autobiography about her teen years. She has a reputation for being a New York indie actress, but really, she's just an annoying white girl from California. And it's a great story to tell right now because teenagers are super annoying right now. As a woman in her 30's, or more precisely, a woman my age, it's cool that she's like, "yeah we were all annoying back then but most of us grow out of it." In a strange way, Lady Bird is the most relatable movie I watched from 2017. It's a movie by my generation for my generation. Surprisingly, we don't get many of those even though we're at the age in which we SHOULD be dominating Hollywood. But I guess this is what happens when all the young filmmakers are busy making Marvel and Star Wars movies. Hopefully Doomsday can turn that Geostorm paycheck into the next Lady Bird. We're counting on you, buddy. Don't sell out.


#3 - BATTLE OF THE SEXES



I can't believe no one liked this movie. Instead of supporting garbage like Wonder Woman, how about embracing a movie that treats characters like human beings? Feminism isn't about superiority. It's about equality. Here you have a story about the media blowing something out of proportion. The lesbian versus the sexiest pig. But there's real people behind these caricatures. This movie rightfully focuses on their lives and struggles. It isn't shouting girl power. It's just saying we're all the same shit and there's no reason to treat people differently.


#2 - THE SHAPE OF WATER



Yeah... fish porn won me over too. Sorry.


#1 - GET OUT



Y'all a bunch of racists. You were all outraged during #OscarsSoWhite. You all pretended to enjoy Moonlight. But as soon as a great black movie comes along you all change your tune. "Oh, sorry, Cure for Wellness was TOO good. We just couldn't reserve a spot in the top 10." That's fine. I'll get my revenge when Lady Bird wins zero awards tomorrow.

Says the person who put Star Wars: The Last Jedi at #1.

Lady Bird was actually another contender of mine.  The fight for #10 on my list, as it turns out, was a bit of a bloodbath.  Although since I got both I, Tonya and Call Me By Your Name on Amazon Video, we'll see if one or both can get on my list last-minute.

Doubtful. It's Sicario in the snow. You won't like it.

I was initially all "Hell no" to Sicario 2, but the teaser trailer made me at least a little open to it.