Science Fiction Movies: Reviews & Discussions

Zardoz almost broke me as a film buff. I almost threw in the towel right there. Dig deep for your strength, Sno. You're going to need it.

I finally tracked down Zardoz a while back, but haven't been able to bring myself to actually watch it so far.

It's part of why I'm curious. Sometimes when a movie is just so nonsensically awful it's almost like "okay, I need to see this."

It's pretty astounding for a sequel to completely undo everything about the original, especially when the original already had a goofy concept but one that worked well enough. Ebert's review of it was enough to make me want to sit down with a six-pack and attempt to decipher to implausibility. 

Your review also makes me excited to watch it.

It's whatever is on Amazon so I'm at the mercy of what Bezos wants.

I've no idea what you're even talking about.  I haven't seen The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, either.

Let's do it

This trailer seems weirdly prescient.

Well, I watched it. I watched Highlander II: The Quickening. I watched the "Renegade Cut" from 2004 which pads some running time to the original version as well as does away with the idea that they're aliens (which was very confusing for me watching the film because they never referenced them as such, and only after reading about what was changed did that make sense) and restructures scenes to "make more sense". I generally like to watch the theatrical version of movies and hate these "do-over" cuts because people try their damndest to get me to reevaluate these bad movies because these cuts are better. Kingdom of Heaven is a terrible movie, but everyone says the Director's Cut makes it a good film. I don't buy into this, just like I don't buy into the idea that a Zack Snyder cut of Justice League will make it a good film. Improve on the theatrical cut? Perhaps, but only marginally and only doing so with the knowledge of hindsight regarding general backlash that the director can attempt to temper.

Anyways, my point is that while I'm sure the Renegade Cut is better than the theatrical release, which has a whopping 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, this movie is still an absolute train wreck. And yet I have to say, I was pretty amused that a sequel had the balls to take the premise of the original which certainly doesn't need a sequel but there's a blueprint to make one, and throw all of that out to make this movie. Nope, instead of just continuing the adventures of MacLeod in NYC and dropping in another bad guy, they send us to the future where the ozone layer has deteriorated and people, like MacLeod's late wife, are now dying from sun exposure. So MacLeod, who I guess after all his years on Earth has become a Steve Jobs type, teams up with a frumpy scientist to create The Shield, which is a... shield, which provides protection from the ultraviolet rays. This comes at a price though as now the Earth is in eternal darkness and people have lost their will to live. 

Really this is just an excuse to rip off Blade Runner as much as humanly possible. The rainy streets, the bad attempts at a dystopian city, all of it just reeks of a poor copy. Even the architecture is absurdly similar: Shield HQ is the exact same sloping pyramid as the Tyrell Corporation, in the beginning you can see fire billowing out of towers like in the opening of Blade Runner, and the director has placed large fans in the background of several scenes also very much Blade Runner. I mean, I'm not entirely opposed to moving this to the future because when you're dealing with a protagonist who's immortal, that can certainly work. But there's not a shred of originality occurring here. This isn't helped by the film not making any fucking sense. We get flashbacks to the "planet" Zeist that MacLeod and Ramirez hail from. There's a war with a general who's histrionically portrayed by Michael Ironside. MacLeod has lived in peace since the events of the first film, and since he's "the only one" has lost his immortal power and is aging. That is until the general sends two shitty henchmen to fight him, restoring his... powers... WHAT!? And he even emerges from the "quickening" with a fucking blade in his hand! If the general wanted him dead, why don't you just wait another few years? Why are you doing this now? And then in perhaps the most inexplicable event that even this "Renegade Cut" doesn't even try to explain, MacLeod brings Sean Connery back to life. Awesome!

Connery is the only bright spot in the movie, knowing this is an awful movie and hamming it up the whole way through. Later, he and MacLeod infiltrate a prison, only to find themselves in a room with a giant fan with menacing, rotating blades! This must be every Highlander's nightmare scenario. Connery then sacrifices himself by using his dying powers to open a door and stop the fan. You gotta see it to believe it! What follows are some awful day for night sequences, culminating in MacLeod killing the bad guy and using his "quickening" to unleash on the Shield and blow it up. This was because they found out that the ozone layer has repaired itself and they don't need it anymore. How does the planet Zeist and the other immortals fit into all of this? They don't. 

On a final note, as terrible as this movie is I had a great time watching it. Christopher Lambert is awful in this movie. He just spouts out terrible one-liners and displays absolutely no range at all. In one scene his ex-wife dies and he just gets up and leaves. Doesn't even do one of those corny crying scenes to coincide with her cliched "one...last...word...before...I...die..." sendoff. The action is awful, but the little hover board battle made me laugh. And some elements of the set direction, while still total rip-offs of Blade Runner and mostly obvious matte/miniature work, are pretty cool. They don't attempt at all to explain the socioeconomics of this society (for example, MacLeod is likely a very famous and very rich man, so why the fuck does he live in a building in the middle of the bad part of the city?) and it only becomes more ludicrous as you think about it. Again, when you could've easily just made an exact revamp of the first film with a new villain, it's really remarkable that this is the direction they took. It's misguided and horrible in every way, but you do have to somewhat admire them for trying to expand the Highlander universe and take it in a new direction.

Final note: It annoyed the hell out of me that Michael Ironside's general spouted off all this American slang and colloquialisms. Like, was he studying all this on Zeist? I guess he's not particularly busy and has the time, but is that what he's doing? How does he know how subways work and slang associated with them but not how to use The Shield Company to his advantage? 

Final final note: Everyone in this movie just pops up. We see establishing shots of these massive compounds with heavy guard presences. And yet everyone, even powerless, useless Virginia Madsen, just walks right past them and is always in the right place at the right time. If Highlanders can teleport, why the fuck does Sean Connery take a plane? 

I'm done.

2/10

You could say that about most Highlander sequels, honestly. Especially that fifth one.

Blade Runner is a bit different though because the Final Cut does away with the shitty narration and ending.

So yes, in that case it is a definite improvement.