The Star Wars Prequel Trilogy (1999-2005)

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I bought this poster of Jesus, but it's apparently Liam Neeson.

Okay, I'm gonna post my blog series straight into here. I'm basically breaking down the problems with the prequels from my perspective as a SW fan and some ways they could have been better. It may be obvious to you all, but please feel free to comment/discuss.

The Phantom Menace

Jar Jar and the Gungans

Lets get the obvious out of the way first. Jar Jar is the poster boy for the failings of the prequels, but why? Because he brings a level of silliness to these films that SW fans are simply not accustomed to. He steps in crap, gets numb tongue, and speaks so that you cannot understand him. He also doesn’t really provide much to the story other than introducing the Gungans as a whole, which isn’t really that important. This character needs to be toned down considerably. I know many people would like him removed altogether, but he could add an interesting alien aspect to the film if he was just re-imagined a little. Or… maybe its easier just not to have him at all.

The Gungans have many of the same problems. I mean, the main guy shakes his head and spits slobber. Really? I like the look of the underwater city, and I like the idea of these two races having to join together to defeat a common enemy. But the Gungans are just so silly… Now, George Lucas’ defense for Jar Jar and the Gungans is that he says this is a kid’s movies, and that the Star Wars movies have always been for kids. Okay sure, but they’ve never been THIS kind of kid’s movie. They’ve never been this juvenile, and trying to make it so now just completely clashes with the other films.



Acting and Dialogue

I really don’t understand why Lucas had the actors play so stiffly. Its really brings the movie down. The worst offenders are Natalie Portman and Sam Jackson, but Ewan McGregor ain’t too hot either. The only one who is able to develop his role into an actual character is Liam Neeson. Everyone else is a cardboard cut-out. Lucas needs to just let them own their characters and make them unique, so we as an audience actually feel something for them.

And lets face it, the script needs a total overhaul, preferably by someone who knows how to write naturally flowing dialogue. Most of these lines are so bloody clumsy my forehead hurts from all the slapping.



Queen Amidala/ bodyguard decoy

This was such a stupid aspect of the plot that needed to be removed entirely. It added nothing and it just made things unnecessarily confusing. There was simply no need for it. Just have Padme join the Tatooine expedition as the queen, its fine. Or, leave Padme as the handmaiden. She doesn’t NEED to be the queen just because she’s a central character.

If Darth Maul is the main villain, he has to be a LOT more interesting.

I'm okay with the politics, they just needed to be more intriguing.

The Senate Story

A lot of people bitch about how there’s too much politics in episode 1 for a Star Wars story, and especially how much of a bummer the opening scrolls were when we start with a trade dispute. I’m not one of those people. I’m okay with seeing the senate that existed before the Empire, and I’m okay with starting small, since this is supposed to be the beginnings of the larger story-line. Actually, I think the Senate part of the story needed to be focused on more.

I think most people’s issues aren’t with the fact that the senate stuff exists, but that its not interesting. It would work if they made it interesting and put a little more effort into writing how Palpatine is able to take power over the entire political body. After all, that, along with the introduction of Anakin, is the only real reason this story exists within the larger scope of the overall story. Its an important point, so spend more time and storytelling effort.

I also very much dislike the Jedi council, but this is something I will go into in a lot more detail when I review Attack of the Clones. But an ESP test? Really guys?



Midicholorians

Now we come to what I find to be the most egregious offense committed by this movie. For some reason Lucas felt it was necessary to introduce midicholorians as some sort of symbiotic bacteria that is responsible for the force. Seriously? You just took all mystery and power from this concept that was so well-built in the original films. The force should be some be some inexplicable energy which lets our imagination and wonder define it, not some quantifiable measurement. Remember that scene where Yoda explains the force to Luke, being between the tree and the rock? Or when he uses the Force to raise up the X-Wing? Yeah, this idea just vomits on all of that. Disgusting. These need to be erased from the consciousness of all connected to the Star Wars universe.

I agree that there should have been more of the manipulating.

This tickled me.

Why is there a detective plot in a Star Wars movie? Obi-Wan Columbo.

"There's just one more thing, Jabba..."

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Biggest problem with prequels:



The Nature of the Jedi

Okay, now we get to the biggest problem of the prequels from the view of a Star Wars fan like myself. This problem is how the Jedi Order is built and dealt with. First, lets go back to the wonderful pre-prequel days where the only things we knew about Jedi Knights were Obi-Wan and Yoda and their teachings. The picture of the Jedi that we get from this are ancient, mystic warriors roaming the universe and defending justice. We think of the legend of the Samurai or an idyllic medieval knight.

So what happens when we get to the prequels and get to see the Jedi in their prime? They are simply relegated to another bureaucratic body in the capital, like another branch of the government. Really? In Phantom Menace we are introduced to the Jedi Council, which is more like a company board room. Lame. Remember how awesome Yoda was in Empire? Well here he’s just a chairperson.

And the Jedi Temple turns out to be really lame as well. They have a very static library archive system. They have incredibly lame “classrooms” where kids swing lightsabers like windshield wipers. It just all feels like Lucas decided to strip away the mysticism of the Jedi Order, and that’s just really sad.

The entire structure of the Jedi Order is too systematic, too organizational. I honestly dont think they should have a centralized location in Coruscant at all. If there is a temple, it should be more like Force Awakens, hidden in some solitary location. The organizational structure should be much looser and not so strict. It really feels like the whole concept of the Jedi is reduced to some lame cooperate body.

And what about the Jedi knights themselves? I am reminded of a quote from one of my friends after we saw Attack of Clones in theaters, which has remained a part of our groups lexicon to this day: “Man, Jedi sure die easy.”

That final battle in theory is cool, but when the Jedi arrive in the arena, it really destroys the power that Jedi held for SW fans. The Jedi, frankly, suck. They just get picked off left and right by a bunch of robots. They were pathetic fighters. Pathetic! They certainly weren’t legendary warriors like they should have been.

The reputation of the Jedi was just trashed in Attack of the Clones. If we are looking at how to improve the prequel trilogy, we would need to completely overhaul how the Jedi Order is portrayed. Decentralize the order, have them be more solitary, with less of a governing code. Have them be better fighters, and reduce the number.

But we don’t have that movie, so we just have to remember the illusion of the Jedi from the first movies and try to keep that in our heads.

If it weren't for the context, I wouldn't have guessed that it's Hayden Whatisname in that pic.  That probably makes his life a bit easier to get through.  I feel sorry for the guy.  It's not his fault the Prequels sucked, and they pretty much destroyed his career.  

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George Lucas at Phantom Menace 20th anniversary panel: “Jar Jar is my favorite character.”