Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 12, 2015 13:50:49 GMT -5
Last year for Valentines, I did the infamous Steamy Awards. You guys hated it and it's now gone along with the original ComingSoon forums. But I still felt the need to do something "special" for Valentines, especially since this weekend is the big release of Fifty Shades of Grey. So in the spirit of 31 Days of Halloween and 25 Days of Christmas , here's un-Valentines Day. As always, you guys are invited to contribute your own content. First up. MASQUERADE (1988) Dick Wolf is primarily known for his work on television. His most famous shows are Law & Order and its spin-offs. But he has dabbled in the film business and 1988's Masquerade is one of the movies that he wrote and produced. It's about a yacht captain (Rob Lowe) who hangs around the Hampton's and seduces a wealthy heiress (Meg Tilly). He's also having an affair with his bosses wife (Kim Cattrall) and is in business with shady people. It's a romantic thriller with sex, violence, and lots of twists and turns. Wolf's script is mostly predictable and the ending is very weak, but French filmmaker Bob Swaim and British composer John Barry (of James Bond fame) add a lot of class to what is essentially a TV movie-of-the-week. Masquerade looks great, sounds great, and is largely well-acted. It's worth checking out at least once, and definitely listen to the soundtrack if you ever get a chance. Dracula SnoBorderZero Deexan PhantomKnightCSTEAMY AWARDS SPOTLIGHT:TEQUILA SUNRISE (1988) DoomsdayTequila Sunrise is about a police detective (Kurt Russell) who uses a beautiful woman (Michelle Pfeiffer) to help capture a drug dealer (Mel Gibson) and his boss (Raul Julia). It's written and directed by Robert Towne (of Chinatown fame) and features gorgeous cinematography by Conrad Hall. But unfortunately, despite all this great talent involved, the movie is kinda boring. The ONLY reason to watch Tequila Sunrise is for the beautiful and classy sex scene. Seriously. It's a work of art. C- |
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 13, 2015 13:20:25 GMT -5
JACK AND DIANE (2012) No, this movie is not based on the John Mellencamp song. It's an Indie Drama about two teenage lesbians, played by Juno Temple and Elvis Presley's granddaughter (seriously). Temple's character has a twin sister who was raped at a party, so she's a bit frightened of sex and has nightmares where she turns into a werewolf. And Elvis' granddaughter plays a character whose brother died, so when she meets Temple's character, it's the first person she emotionally bonds with since her brother passed away. The premise is very good and the acting is A+, but the script is a mess. Bradley Rust Gray, the writer and director, didn't know how to turn the plot into an actual story and the movie is awkwardly paced and loaded with fillers. The only reason to watch Jack and Diane is for the excellent performances from the two stars. D+STEAMY AWARDS SPOTLIGHT:KILLER JOE (2011) In Killer Joe, a young man named Chris Smith (Emile Hirsch) hires hit man Joe Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) to murder his mother so he can collect the insurance money. But when things don't go according to plan, and Chris fails to give Joe his share of the money, Joe takes Chris' young sister (Juno Temple) as payment. The movie, directed by Oscar-winner William Friedkin (The French Connection), is an exceptionally well-made comedy-drama-horror hybrid. Although, it's absurd at times and will probably alienate certain audiences. So watch with caution. A- / B+ (depends on the mood)
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Likes:
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 9:01:24 GMT -5
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2015 15:19:36 GMT -5
Killer Joe was good. It's unlikely I would ever eat there, but KFC is forever ruined for me.
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 14, 2015 13:30:38 GMT -5
SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY (1991) My mom was a big fan of this movie, and I watched it a few times because I was an unsupervised child. I'm sure the VHS is filled with dust somewhere. But I don't remember if I liked it or if I was just bored. This was before the Internet was a common household item. So the only thing I can offer is my opinion as an adult and it's a conflicted opinion. Sleeping with the Enemy stars Julia Roberts as a wife who fakes her death in order to escape her abusive marriage. The movie does a respectable job of depicting the physical and emotional abuse of this character, but the story is so outlandish that it's difficult to take seriously. After she fakes her death and creates a new identity, her husband gets suspicious and launches an investigation that leads him to her new life, which he immediately tries to destroy. The movie starts as a serious drama and ends as a cheesy thriller. That's disheartening because there's a lot to appreciate. Julia Roberts delivers a good performance. The cinematography is very beautiful. The music by Jerry Goldsmith hits all the right notes. And Patrick Bergin, as the husband, is hilariously over-the-top. But the script is so misguided that it nearly sinks the ship. CSTEAMY AWARDS SPOTLIGHT:BODY OF EVIDENCE (1993)SPONSORED BY FIFTY SHADES OF GREY  Today's young people look at Madonna with her botox face and veiny arms and think to themselves, "ew." But in her youth, Madonna was one of the sexiest celebrities in America and she never shied away from her good looks. A lot of her music was provocative. She published a book filled with nude photographs. And she wasn't afraid to steam up the big screen. 1993's Body of Evidence is the most explicit presentation of her sexuality on film. It's an erotic thriller that shamelessly rips-off Basic Instinct. The differences are that it's a court room drama instead of a detective story, and the main female character is a dominatrix instead of an ice pick killer. But this shouldn't discourage you. Basic Instinct is an Hitchcockian movie with a convoluted script and Body of Evidence is softcore pornography with an actual story. Both have something distinctive to offer. My only dissatisfaction is the epic miscasting of Willem Dafoe. His face is a boner killer and arguably the main reason why Body of Evidence hasn't become a cult favorite. Sure, the critics hated it and it flopped at the box office, but never underestimate perverts. We'll watch almost anything. A-HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 1, 2016 14:10:20 GMT -5
BACKFIRE (1988) I wish I could say that this movie lives up to its poster... but it doesn't. The only consolation prize is Karen Allen's nude scene. Yes, Karen Allen - Indiana Jones' wife.
|
|
PG Cooper
CS! Silver
Join Date: Feb 2009
And those who tasted the bite of his sword named him...The DOOM Slayer
Posts: 16,645 
Likes: 4,060
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 8:19:34 GMT -5
|
Post by PG Cooper on Feb 1, 2016 14:15:58 GMT -5
Hell of a poster.
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 2, 2016 12:53:26 GMT -5
LAST CALL (1991) I can't tell if this is a legitimate film, a Cinemax After Dark movie, a comedy or all of the above. It's actually stunning that Last Call hasn't become infamous on the Internet. There's A LOT of scenes to mock.
|
|
Seakazoo
Director
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 6,260 
Likes: 454
Location:
Last Online Nov 10, 2019 18:52:45 GMT -5
|
Post by Seakazoo on Feb 2, 2016 14:29:34 GMT -5
These movie posters look like they could double for shitty romance novel covers.
|
|
Doomsday
Administrator 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,295
Likes: 6,761
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 1:33:13 GMT -5
|
Post by Doomsday on Feb 2, 2016 15:37:11 GMT -5
Ha, Shannon Tweed.
|
|
thebtskink
CS! Silver
Join Date: Jul 2000
It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
Posts: 19,462
Likes: 4,984
Location:
Last Online Nov 21, 2024 13:25:50 GMT -5
|
Post by thebtskink on Feb 3, 2016 1:21:45 GMT -5
William Katt!!!!
That movie has got to suck.
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 3, 2016 13:50:43 GMT -5
These movie posters look like they could double for shitty romance novel covers.  Call me crazy... but I actually like this one. The main character is an idiot, but it's entertaining. It's about a college boy who falls in love with a classmate that's rich, wild and sexy. They have a great time together and then she talks him into killing her uncle. There was potential for a great story to be told, had the movie been intended to be a teen drama, but it's an erotic thriller and common sense had to be thrown out in order to titillate the audience. |
|
Doomsday
Administrator
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,295
Likes: 6,761
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 1:33:13 GMT -5
|
Post by Doomsday on Feb 3, 2016 14:11:34 GMT -5
How have you seen so many of these?
|
|
Seakazoo
Director
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 6,260
Likes: 454
Location:
Last Online Nov 10, 2019 18:52:45 GMT -5
|
Post by Seakazoo on Feb 3, 2016 14:55:56 GMT -5
How have you seen so many of these? Internet porn wasn't always a thing. |
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 4, 2016 7:47:00 GMT -5
How have you seen so many of these?  Tim Daly is an underrated actor. He elevates what's essentially a Lifetime Channel movie. |
|
Deexan
CS! Silver
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 18,196
Likes: 2,995
Location:
Last Online Nov 13, 2021 19:23:59 GMT -5
|
Post by Deexan on Feb 13, 2016 4:21:38 GMT -5
LOL.
Man, these covers are hilarious.
Reminds me of the afterparty I went to last New Year's eve than culminated in a group of us watching the cheesiest movie trailers from the 80s we could find for a solid hour.
GOLD, JERRY!
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 1, 2017 4:50:19 GMT -5
The Submission of Emma Marx (2013) / Boundaries (2014) / Exposed (2016)
Porn versions (or spoofs) of mainstream media is nothing new, but it's not often that that a porn movie is a response/criticism of something popular. Housewives LOVE Fifty Shades of Grey, but everyone else sees it as awkward and rape-y. It's Twilight for adults. Literally. The Submission of Emma Marx and its two sequels attempt to rectify that by giving horny ladies a more accurate representation of a BDSM relationship. Does it succeed? Not really. Fifty Shades isn't bad cause of the BDSM is misrepresented. It's bad cause the story and characters are bad. You can't fix the sex and leave everything else the same and expect it to be better. You haven't fixed the root of the problem. Emma Marx is a noble effort but it's ultimately the same shit.
|
|
Seakazoo
Director
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 6,260
Likes: 454
Location:
Last Online Nov 10, 2019 18:52:45 GMT -5
|
Post by Seakazoo on Feb 1, 2017 9:58:44 GMT -5
Hahaha
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 2, 2017 9:33:17 GMT -5
STARLET (2012) Starlet is an indie drama about an adult film actress befriending a senior citizen. How sweet. Hardcore pornography and quirky scenes about a mismatched duo go together like peanut butter and jelly. No, seriously, there are scenes of unsimulated sex in this movie. I'm not one to normally question such things, but I was left scratching my head. Those scenes were unnecessary and the girl being a sex worker was irrelevant to the main story. It's as if they were making one movie, ran out of money, and were forced to make a porno. Then they combined the two.
|
|
Deexan
CS! Silver
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 18,196
Likes: 2,995
Location:
Last Online Nov 13, 2021 19:23:59 GMT -5
|
Post by Deexan on Feb 2, 2017 16:58:27 GMT -5
No, seriously, there are scenes of unsimulated sex in this movie. I researched this claim on behalf of the rest of the ComingSoon! crew and can confirm that it is indeed true. |
|
Seakazoo
Director
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 6,260
Likes: 454
Location:
Last Online Nov 10, 2019 18:52:45 GMT -5
|
Post by Seakazoo on Feb 2, 2017 21:32:37 GMT -5
No, seriously, there are scenes of unsimulated sex in this movie. I researched this claim on behalf of the rest of the ComingSoon! crew and can confirm that it is indeed true. Thank you for your sacrifice |
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 3, 2017 17:07:11 GMT -5
Lovelace (2013) If you know nothing about Linda Lovelace then this docu-drama, starring Amanda Seyfried, is a good starting point. But know that it's filled with misinformation. The dates are wrong. Crucial information is left out. Lovelace is portrayed as a saint, when that wasn't the case at all. It's okay for what it is, an indie drama about spousal abuse, but there's a larger story to tell and a better movie waiting to be made.
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 10, 2017 9:20:06 GMT -5
THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK (1987) Three bored small town women (Cher, Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer) have sex with the devil (Jack Nicholson) and live to regret it... not really. George Miller was just the Australian guy who made Mad Max when he got the job to direct this big studio comedy. He had a bad experience and almost quit the industry. Fortunately, that wasn't fully reflected on the finished product. The script is very weak but the cast is amazing, the music by John Williams is a lot of fun and there's plenty of amusing scenes. The Witches of Eastwick mostly works. Check it out if you haven't.
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 10, 2017 19:31:18 GMT -5
LAST RITES (1988) "He's a priest." "Not as of last night."  From Donald P. Bellisario, the creator of PhantomKnight 's favorite shows (Magnum PI, Quantum Leap, JAG and NCIS), comes Roger Ebert's least favorite movie of 1988, Last Rites. It's the story of a New York priest (Tom Berenger) falling in love with his brother-in-law's mistress ( Doomsday favorite Daphne Zuniga of Spaceballs fame). When the priest's sister, the heiress to a mafia empire, finds out about her husband's affair she murders him and the mistress then goes into hiding with the priest. They run off to Mexico and the priest ends up breaking his celibacy vow. Released three months after the shit storm response to Last Temptation of Christ, Last Rites was unfairly vilified and became the biggest flop of the year. Aside from mild sex scenes (Zuniga is a major cocktease), Last Rites is a decent gangster film with plenty of action, twists and turns and awards worthy music by Bruce Broughton. I have to re-do my Academy Awards re-do.
|
|
Neverending
CS! Platinum
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 65,770
Likes: 8,646
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 7:47:06 GMT -5
|
Post by Neverending on Feb 14, 2017 6:06:48 GMT -5
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? If you've watched the pilot of Married... With Children, you've sort of seen Virginia Woolf. The premise is the same. An older, angrier and more cynical couple invite a young, happy and optimistic couple to their home and over the course of the evening corrupt them. Married... With Children is a cartoonish sitcom. Virginia Woolf is a really dark and depressing movie. It's sometimes billed as a black comedy, but that's debatable. All four characters are terrible people who got married for selfish reasons. If it wasn't for the tour de force acting by Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Sandy Dennis and George Segal (yes, the old geezer from Just Shoot Me and The Goldbergs), the watchability of this film would be questionable. These are awful characters in an unappealing story. Don't take that the wrong way. Virginia Woolf is definitely worth watching. Not just because of the cast, but also because of the cinematography and what it was able to accomplish in 1966. It's just that you'll probably never see this movie a second time. Unless, of course, you yourself are old, angry and cynical and have a history of abusive relationships. In that case, Happy Valentines!
|
|
PG Cooper
CS! Silver
Join Date: Feb 2009
And those who tasted the bite of his sword named him...The DOOM Slayer
Posts: 16,645
Likes: 4,060
Location:
Last Online Nov 22, 2024 8:19:34 GMT -5
|
Post by PG Cooper on Feb 14, 2017 9:00:09 GMT -5
It's not fun viewing, bit I have watched it twice and that second viewing helps a lot.
|
|
