Fast X

Who I'm sure will be joining them at the BBQ at the end of the next movie.

I've seen it, but have no desire to discuss it.

That's what Game of Thrones was for.

Fast X(5/20/2023)

There are a lot of people who look at the MCU and think that franchise may have shot themselves in the foot a bit with Avengers: Endgame, a film that kind of seemed to wrap things up for a lot of their existing storylines a little too well, making a lot that’s come after and tried to start things up again feel redundant. To some extent it feels like The Fast and the Furious franchise might have hit a same point with their seventh film, Furious 7, which took on something of an unintended aura of finality because of the real life death of actor Paul Walker. That was not the end though and two years later we got an eighth film with The Fate of the Furious. That was one of the weaker latter day entries and I thought I was done going to theaters to see these movies, but then along came F9: The Fast Saga, a movie that I thought righted the ship a little and it’s early post-vaccine pandemic era release made it kind of hit the spot right when we all needed to finally get a good action movie in theaters. It seemed like the series was well positioned going into what was (and are?) supposed to be the final two entries but reports from the set suggest that not all was going well with the filming of the tenth film. In something of a shock it was revealed that director Justin Lin, the man largely responsible for the franchise’s resurrection in the 2010s, had quit the film a week into filming over what is believed to be some kind of feud with Vin Diesel. This was a terrible sign even beyond Lin’s own value because it suggested creative uncertainty and production chaos but also because he was eventually replaced by Louis Leterrier, a guy I’ve long considered to be something of a hack. But the trailers looked cool so I was hoping they’d pulled the project back from the brink but the results leave me less hopeful for the series going forward.

Fast X opens with an extended flashback to the movie Fast Five and we get an alternate take on that film’s epic Brazilian heist climax, this time from the perspective of the villain’s son/henchman named Dante Reyes (Jason Momoa), who we didn’t see before but who was apparently knocked off of the bridge during that sequence. Now, like the characters played by Jason Statham and John Cena in previous films, he’s back to get revenge on Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his “family” for the “sins” of their past. He first attacks Toretto’s enemy Cipher (Charlize Theron) and takes over her resources and operation, sending her to find Toretto and sick him and his associates on this common enemy. Toretto then learns that a mission to Rome that Roman (Tyrese Gibson), Tej (Ludacris), Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel), and Han (Sung Kang) have been sent on is likely a trap and they rush to save them. Sure enough that mission goes haywire as Reyes attempts to set off a bomb in the Vatican and while Toretto and co are able to keep this bomb from killing anyone it still goes off and the “family” is blamed for it. Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) is arrested, Toretto runs off to Brazil to figure out who this new enemy is, and the rest go underground. They’ll need to find a way to solve this but Reyes seems to be a step ahead of them at every turn.

The Fast and the Furious movies have always been kind of hard review because you often found yourself scratching your head trying to explain how these movies can be stupid and ridiculous but in a good and charming way rather than in the bad way that summer blockbusters often can be. Well with this tenth film I find myself in the even harder position of trying to explain why this one, unlike the other ones, is actually just stupid in a bad way that doesn’t work. Because this is almost certainly the worst Fast and Furious movie since probably the fourth film in the series, which was the cast reunion installment that acted as something of an awkward transition between what the series was and what it was about to become. In fact I’d go so far as to call the movie a shark jump for the whole series if not for the fact that it’s ostensibly supposed to be the second from last (or third from last?) installment.

Let’s start by talking about our new villain played by Jason Momoa. As stated before this is something like the third or fourth time they’ve introduced a villain who shows up to get revenge on “the family” over something and this one seems to almost comically come out of nowhere by being introduced as a henchman they didn’t bother to show in a previous film. Unlike John Cena and Jason Statham before him though I don’t necessarily see Momoa’s character as being set up to become a future ally for the “family” as he’s this rather outrageously over the top and kind of campy villain who seems to be modeled after The Joker by way of Raoul Silva (the Javier Bardem character from Skyfall), but Momoa is way over the top even compared to those characters. Like, Cesar Romero’s Joker would have told this guy to chill. His whole master plan is also complete nonsense that doesn’t really hold up to any kind of scrutiny if you stop to think about it for even a second. Granted Fast and Furious movie plots aren’t exactly known for their tight plotting and plausibility, but this one takes straining credulity even further than usual and gets to a point where you can’t so easily forgive it. And there are other plot elements here that really didn’t work for me, namely in the way “the agency” apparently operates which sort of reminds you that that organization never really made any sense.

Of course the main draw to this franchise are the action scenes and this movie certainly isn’t devoid of them. A chase scene through Rome involving a round bomb rolling through the city like a boulder early in the movie certainly has the goofy fun that people are expecting from a Fast and Furious movie and there are some chases towards the end which aren’t half bad. However I also felt like this movie struggled to fit other action sequences into the story organically. For example, at a certain point Michelle Rodriguez and Charlize Theron get into a fight. The animosity between the characters makes sense but the fact that they are fighting at that particular moment makes no sense as said fight does not advance either of their situation at that moment. There’s a similar fight scene between Jason Statham and Sung Kang that also kind of just seems like it was thrown in because the movie couldn’t stand to go ten minutes without action. Perhaps most damagingly there’s this really weird street race scene about midway through the film which feels like a just completely ridiculous thing for all characters involved to be taking part in given the circumstances. Of course it maybe sounds a little strange to complain about gratuitous action in a Fast and Furious movie, but if you look back at the previous movies I think you will find that they put at least a little more thought into where to place their action scenes and why.

Eventually the film ends on something of a surprise cliffhanger, one that was likely at least partially modeled after the ending of Avengers: Infinity War in which we finally see the heroes we’re so used to seeing come out on top actually take a big L, but I’m not sure that this high octane soap opera of a series is really in a position to make something like that work. After all, they’ve rather shamelessly resurrected just about every major character that’s “died” so far, so why should take any of the supposed deaths at the end of this movie even remotely seriously. Maybe this is just a case of the magician showing his hand one too many times rather than quitting while they’re ahead, but I suspect a bigger problem lies in the behind the scenes talent. If anything this whole thing feels like a great big vindication for Justin Lin, the man who brought the series back to begin with. With the soul exception of Furious 7 this series has floundered whenever he isn’t behind the camera and he’s clearly the one who had the secret sauce that brought this strange concoction together and I have my doubts that they’re going to be able to close this out successfully without him.
** out of Five

I was about to make a humorous comment, but upon a quick check, I’ve learned this movie is actually available for rent as opposed to an early digital purchase. I haven’t kept up with the short window between theatrical releases and digital vendors since like 2021, but $19.99 for a rental is actually a really good deal. I can only imagine the prices that Doomsday and SnoBorderZero are paying in L.A., but in my neck of the woods, tickets are $15 for a regular 2D showing in a mid-tier location. You would have paid $30 (plus tax) for you and your girls and risked getting your viewing experience ruined by shithead teenagers on a Saturday night. Only adding that distinction cause I know Dracula likes to watch movies at 10am on a Wednesday. Anyway, $19.99 to watch a dumb movie high as a kite on your couch is a great bargain. Didn’t have to waste gas. Didn’t have to deal with traffic. No long lines at the theater. You can pause to take a piss break. Eat whatever you want. Sorry to inform Martin Scorsese, but cinema is dead.

Also you assumed I rented at 19.99 rather than pay the extra $5 to own this trash until Prime randomly deletes it from my account.

Still a deal for a couple. Maybe that edible was stronger than I thought.

The next Fast movie should have Bob Odenkirk punching cars at Vin Diesel.

I do love Gay Joker, but Tyrese and Ludacris were actually good in 2 Fast 2 Furious, and Paul Walker actually tried to keep up with them. People sleep on that movie cause of the dumb title, but it’s actually hilarious.

We’ll always have, “LEFT CHEEK LEFT CHEEK” from the first Transformers.