Pinocchio (2022) - Review Thread

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

One's instinct when talking about Robert Zemeckis may be to look at most of his current output and wonder where things started to go wrong. Well, I don't need to do that, because it's easy to pinpoint The Polar Express as the moment when the director who once gave us classics such as Back To The Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Forrest Gump and Cast Away really started to lose touch. There would be glimpses of hope with brief returns to adult dramas such as Flight and Allied, but if 2020's horrendous The Witches and now this remake of Pinocchio show us anything, it's that Zemeckis has backlsid yet again, and who knows if he can ever come back?

But this live action (or rather, more "realistically-animated") update of Pinocchio is more so emblematic of the common problems that have plagued a number of its other cohorts in this trend of remaking classic Disney animated films, it's just that this time, it's combined with Zemeckis's ill-advised fascination with unnecessary over-animation. Aesthetically, Robert Zemeckis seems to be trying to recreate the exact look of the animated original, but with this form of CGI animation, it just makes things look awkward and weird instead of magical. And there's still so much CGI animation on display in this thing, that it makes the prospect of doing a "live action" adaptation in the first place seem even pointless. For instance, why animate nearly the entirety of Geppetto's workshop? EVEN THE CAT? What happened to the beauty of practicality in movies?

I'll admit, it's been a LONG time since I last saw the animated movie, but I still plainly remember the fact that that one was full of magic and charm and joy. The biggest sin that this new film commits is that it's completely devoid of magic and even soulless -- which is ironic, given the main theme behind the story and motivation of the central character. But at the same time, is that particular flaw really all that surprising? Also not surprising is the fact that the film makes changes to certain parts of the story, some of which are stupid and some of which are totally unnecessary. At the top of the 'unnecessary' list is the addition of a pointless puppeteer girl in the traveling circus that Pinocchio briefly finds himself in, who contributes nothing to the plot, other than I guess to be the token Disney "strong female semi-lead" and that's it. And, of course, they've changed up the Pleasure Island just enough to take some of the menace out and add in these weird CGI shadow-creatures that help hoard the kids after they've been turned into donkeys. For why? Hell if I know. But chief among the most head-scratching changes made here is the one to have Geppetto create Pinocchio because he lost his own son years and years ago, which just opens up a whole other set of questions and problems. It's a lot more poignant having Geppetto create Pinnochio because he's an old man who never found an opportunity to start a family. The implication now that he's trying to recreate his dead son just seems like the start of a psychological thriller version of Pinocchio. Y'know what, on second thought -- give me that version instead.

And speaking of logic problems...this may be a small thing, but: how's a schoolteacher not gonna accept a walking/talking puppet when there's a fox literally walking around the same town in a top hat and people clothes? These are the kinds of problems raised by this weird live action/CGI hybrid approach.

On the casting side, Tom Hanks is fine as Geppetto. He gives it everything he can and comes out of the movie looking the best. But then you've got Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Jiminy Cricket and...to quote one of my very best friends on the same subject...he has a very punchable voice in this movie. I realize he's trying to imitate the cadence of the original voice actor, but the attempt just does not work at all.