Dan's DVD Dumpster Diving

Robocop 3 (1993)



I remember the day Robocop 3 entered my movie collection. It was just after my birthday and I was at HMV buying what else? DVDs. As I got to the cash, the clerk told me I could add one of two movies to my haul for an extra $10: The Devil Wears Prada, or the Robocop Trilogy collection. This was not a difficult choice, especially for a teen boy who loved science-fiction and graphic violence. Many years later, I'd see The Devil Wears Prada and while it is a very good movie, I absolutely stand by teenage Daniel's choice. The original Robocop is a masterpiece of action filmmaking that I've only loved more as I've gotten older and better able to appreciate the satire of Reagan-era America. That the box came with the sequels was basically just a bonus to me and I figure they might make for some amusement. But when I finally sat down to watch Robocop 2, all I could think was, "Wow, this sucks". Any desire I had to watch the third movie fizzled pretty quickly, especially since for as much as I didn't enjoy the second film, reputation suggested Robocop 3 was the true nadir of the franchise, a watered down PG-13 movie more for children that was torn apart by critics and basically killed director Fred Dekker's career. Along with Superman IV, it's easily the most famously "bad movie" I've tackled in my Dumpster Dive and I can't think of a more appropriate end to this series.

Of course, I ended up offering a modest defense of Superman IV and was hoping I'd be able to do something similar for Robocop 3, that I'd found some value in this children's cartoon version of a Robocop movie. That didn't happen. Robocop 3 is exactly as bad as I would led to believe and this was apparent from the very start. Apparently it wasn't enough to cut out the satirical edge that eviscerated American media and corporate culture to be more kid-friendly, the film also had to add a little kid sidekick who, in 90s kid fashion, is also a genius hacker. In the first ten minutes we see that in action when the kid hacks the imposing ED-209 to be "as loyal as a puppy" and fight alongside the heroes. Isn't that precious. Apparently it wasn't enough to simply tone down the blood-soaked violence of Paul Verhoeven, the film also had to avoid characters getting shot whenever possible. Now Robocop takes hostages or shoots the guns out of the bad guy's hands. Apparently Robocop himself wasn't awesome enough as is, so know he gets a jetpack to zip around the city. All of these changes strip the material down to its most superficial elements, which is bad enough as is, but what's worse is the filmmakers don't even have the guts to go all the way. If Robocop 3 was just a big dumb cartoon there might actually be some charm to it, but the story still keeps one foot in the world of adult action movies. The premise is rooted in gentrification and the forced relocation of poor citizens, including the precocious little kid whose parents are confirmed to have been killed off-screen. Gun violence is minimized, but people are still shot and killed, including Nancy Allen's Officer Lewis. Who exactly is this supposed to appeal to? It's way too childish for adults but I also think it's too boring for kids. Robocop himself doesn't show up until about twenty minutes into the movie, and he also takes a grenade to the chest at the end of the first act that keeps him out of the action for much of the middle. Then there's the robotic ninja villain that the movie hypes up for ages but when we finally fights Robocop the results are totally lame. The ninja knocks down Robocop a couple of times until Robocop remembers he has a rocket launcher and promptly blasts the ninja's head off. At the climax, two more robot ninjas show up and I thought, great, now we'll actually get the epic showdown promised. But, no. They knock Robocop down a couple times, then the miracle child hacks the ninjas and they cut each others' heads off. Don't want too much excitement in your action movie.

This movie also sucks in more typical ways. The screenplay is a mess where characters and ideas are seemingly really important until they're just dropped, the action scenes have a lot of noise but no sense of geography or consequence, the whole thing looks really cheap. There's also the fact that Peter Weller has been replaced by Robert Burke. Given how much of Robocop is covered by the suit, you'd think he'd be easy to replace, but man, you really get a sense of how essential Weller was to the character when he's gone. Robocop 3 was not necessarily the most painful viewing I had in this series, but it's plainly a failure that's been rightfully forgotten.

D-



And that marks the end of the DVD Dumpster Dive. If I've learned anything from this little series it's that I was pretty good at managing my time in high school because I certainly don't feel like I was missing much. That many of the movies I watched were straight-up wretched not withstanding, even a lot of the more watchable films were more mediocrities than anything worth seeking out. Easily the two best movies I watched were Changeling and Christmas Evil, two movies that could not be more different but nonetheless offered the most satisfying entertainments. Changeling is a real gem of late-period Eastwood with clear social relevance and a standout performance from Angelina Jolie. Christmas Evil was a delightful little surprise, a perverse bit of genre fare that proved way more thoughtful than just a Santa-themed slasher. I'm glad I finally made time for those movies. Otherwise, my enjoyment from this series came more from historical value than for the merits of the individual films. The Ernest movies gave me a glimpse into a world of pop-culture I was previously unfamiliar with, The Terror gave me a peak into the Corman school of filmmaking and a greater context for Peter Bogdanovich's Targets, even the middling Eastwood and De Niro star vehicles I sat through helped me flesh out the filmographies of some of my favourite actors. I suppose it's also cool that I can leave this series with a bit of a hot take about Superman IV, which was bad, but not even in the bottom five of the movies watched in the Dumpster Dive. If nothing else, I do feel a sense of closure having finally made time for all these DVDs that had sat unwatched in my collection. It was a fun journey, all told, and I hope you had fun with me.

I never even saw Robocop 2...

How did you live through the 1990’s and not watch Robocop 2 & 3? Say what you want but both were perfectly fine “children’s entertainment.” PG Cooper called Robocop 3 a water downed PG-13 movie for kids, but stop and think about that for a moment. A hard R Paul Verhoeven movie got turned into a children’s franchise. There was even a Saturday morning cartoon! Think about what led to these decisions. Parents in the 80’s and 90’s were letting their kids watch friggin Robocop. Robocop 3 exists cause that was the audience for Robocop. Kids! There’s a video essay here and PG Cooper isn’t seeing it.