Post by Doomsday on May 8, 2022 0:53:58 GMT -5
Ambulance
I know.
I know, okay?
Dude, I know, you don't have to keep saying it, I get it alright?
I know what you're thinking, why did I watch Ambulance expecting something good? Well don't get ahead of yourself, I didn't. I saw an ad for movie that looked more simple, less groan inducing and epileptic than Michael Bay's beyond brain dead Transformers movies. I don't want to use the word 'return to form' because that implies there was some respectable form to return to, however it did look similar to his action movies of the mid to late 90s and if you were between 11 and 30 anywhere in the 90s and didn't watch The Rock, well you're a liar. Also, it looked like a pretty passable palate cleanser. I've been on the record before saying that as I get older I'm not terribly interested in watching movies that are clearly bad but that doesn't mean you can't watch something purely for the purpose of being entertained. That also isn't to say that Ambulance is bad per se because it isn't, it's just dumb. Much dumber than it should have been. In fact many of the decisions in the movie often insult the logic of the viewer and not because they had to explain some silly way that robots got to Earth or something, it's out of laziness and that's probably an equal sin to being bad.
So let's start from the top. Will Sharp is a decorated Marine veteran living with his wife and infant child. He spends the first scene on the phone with extremely overly hostile health insurance folks who hang up on him after saying his wife is as good as dead. He tells his wife he's heading out to find a job so he can get better insurance but instead visits his brother Danny, a flashy rich car collector who's also a very well known criminal. Will asks him for a loan but within about 90 seconds Danny convinces Will to join him on a huge bank heist despite the fact that Will has never done anything like this at all. Tempted with cash, Will joins Danny and his team for the most stupidly executed bank robbery ever. About half the guys are wearing masks, they all call each other by their names, they're all caught on camera and for reasons only the screenwriter knows their getaway guy drops them off in an empty parking garage and instead of waiting in the empty parking garage he leaves and circles the block. The police are also aware of this...somehow? They're all there waiting but we don't really know why. Anyways, the heist goes south, Will shoots a cop in the leg and Danny and Will take the cop and a medic hostage while driving all around Los Angeles. Worst yet, even if you take away the fact that everybody saw their faces, everyone heard their names and they made no effort to conceal what they were doing, it never seemed like Danny had a plan to escape. In Heat it was pretty cool watching how meticulous they were and the shootout was what they wanted to avoid. Ambulance is the opposite. Not only did the team have no plan, the screenwriters didn't either. We then spend the next two hours watching Will drive, avoid and dodge every cop car that he sends crashing into big rigs and flipping over in regular Bay fashion. And of course the movie is replete with the really awkward, very misplaced in the way that it totally takes you out of the scene and not at all funny and Michael Bay humor.
That isn't to say that Ambulance is a bad movie even though it sounds like it is, it just could have been better had someone more intelligent been at the helm. It's a fairly simple concept and it realies much too heavily on the idea of the movie at the expense of the execution. I don't think this was ever destined to be a masterpiece but had some more thought gone into it then it would have made for a very decent and memorable straight up, hard action movie, something that we lack nowadays in favor of Marvel and Fast and Furious movies. Instead it settles for being mildly entertaining while laying its shortcomings bare for even the most casual moviegoer to see. 'Danny is a huge bank robber? And everybody knows it? Then why didn't they arrest him before the movie even started?' That's a good, dumb question and if you like those then you'll love Ambulance. It's not a terrible movie even by Michael Bay standards, it will tick the box if you're looking for something entertaining but the lack of intelligence will probably turn you off way more than the people who made the movie were expecting.
C so says Doomsday
I know.
I know, okay?
Dude, I know, you don't have to keep saying it, I get it alright?
I know what you're thinking, why did I watch Ambulance expecting something good? Well don't get ahead of yourself, I didn't. I saw an ad for movie that looked more simple, less groan inducing and epileptic than Michael Bay's beyond brain dead Transformers movies. I don't want to use the word 'return to form' because that implies there was some respectable form to return to, however it did look similar to his action movies of the mid to late 90s and if you were between 11 and 30 anywhere in the 90s and didn't watch The Rock, well you're a liar. Also, it looked like a pretty passable palate cleanser. I've been on the record before saying that as I get older I'm not terribly interested in watching movies that are clearly bad but that doesn't mean you can't watch something purely for the purpose of being entertained. That also isn't to say that Ambulance is bad per se because it isn't, it's just dumb. Much dumber than it should have been. In fact many of the decisions in the movie often insult the logic of the viewer and not because they had to explain some silly way that robots got to Earth or something, it's out of laziness and that's probably an equal sin to being bad.
So let's start from the top. Will Sharp is a decorated Marine veteran living with his wife and infant child. He spends the first scene on the phone with extremely overly hostile health insurance folks who hang up on him after saying his wife is as good as dead. He tells his wife he's heading out to find a job so he can get better insurance but instead visits his brother Danny, a flashy rich car collector who's also a very well known criminal. Will asks him for a loan but within about 90 seconds Danny convinces Will to join him on a huge bank heist despite the fact that Will has never done anything like this at all. Tempted with cash, Will joins Danny and his team for the most stupidly executed bank robbery ever. About half the guys are wearing masks, they all call each other by their names, they're all caught on camera and for reasons only the screenwriter knows their getaway guy drops them off in an empty parking garage and instead of waiting in the empty parking garage he leaves and circles the block. The police are also aware of this...somehow? They're all there waiting but we don't really know why. Anyways, the heist goes south, Will shoots a cop in the leg and Danny and Will take the cop and a medic hostage while driving all around Los Angeles. Worst yet, even if you take away the fact that everybody saw their faces, everyone heard their names and they made no effort to conceal what they were doing, it never seemed like Danny had a plan to escape. In Heat it was pretty cool watching how meticulous they were and the shootout was what they wanted to avoid. Ambulance is the opposite. Not only did the team have no plan, the screenwriters didn't either. We then spend the next two hours watching Will drive, avoid and dodge every cop car that he sends crashing into big rigs and flipping over in regular Bay fashion. And of course the movie is replete with the really awkward, very misplaced in the way that it totally takes you out of the scene and not at all funny and Michael Bay humor.
That isn't to say that Ambulance is a bad movie even though it sounds like it is, it just could have been better had someone more intelligent been at the helm. It's a fairly simple concept and it realies much too heavily on the idea of the movie at the expense of the execution. I don't think this was ever destined to be a masterpiece but had some more thought gone into it then it would have made for a very decent and memorable straight up, hard action movie, something that we lack nowadays in favor of Marvel and Fast and Furious movies. Instead it settles for being mildly entertaining while laying its shortcomings bare for even the most casual moviegoer to see. 'Danny is a huge bank robber? And everybody knows it? Then why didn't they arrest him before the movie even started?' That's a good, dumb question and if you like those then you'll love Ambulance. It's not a terrible movie even by Michael Bay standards, it will tick the box if you're looking for something entertaining but the lack of intelligence will probably turn you off way more than the people who made the movie were expecting.
C so says Doomsday
