25 Days of Christmas

Black Christmas (1974)



Black Christmas is one of the prototype slasher films. Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, Michael Powell's Peeping Tom and Mario Bava's Bay of Blood are also in this category. The movie is about a serial killer hiding in the attic of a sorority house and killing his victims one-by-one. He also makes disturbing phone calls in-between each murder. Director Bob Clark, who's better known for a totally different Christmas movie, creates many filmmaking techniques that would eventually become standards of the genre. However, he also doesn't pace the story properly and it takes a long time for things to get interesting. That's why this is a prototype and not the first full-fleshed slasher film. But for a prototype, there's a lot to admire. The suspenseful moments are masterfully done. The acting is above average. And there are a few thought-provoking themes. This is a film worth checking out.

Last night's December to Dismember film festival was three films, with a short played before each one.  The only short I hadn't already seen was Visions of Sugar Plums, which I highly recommend.  The unexpected jem of the evening was Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker, the least subtle movie ever made.  Mickey Rooney stars as Joe Petto, owner of Petto's Toy Store.  He runs the store with his teenage son Pino.  At one point, a babysitter even reads Pinocchio to a boy.  Most of the FX are laughable, but the prosthetics in the big finale are surprisingly good.

Shorts

Treevenge (2008)

Visions of Sugar Plums (1984)

And All Through The House (1989)


Films

Yeah, fuck that pile of dog shit!

Krampus (2015)



Pretty good movie from Bryan Singer’s protege. Krampus is a German folklore about the anti-Santa Claus, the one who punishes bad kids on Christmas. In the movie, taking place in modern times, a dysfunctional family is terrorized on Christmas by Krampus and his goons. It’s a fun horror-comedy, but could have used a dose of Sam Raimi to take it to the next level.

TRANCERS a.k.a Future Cop (1984)



Written by Paul De Meo & Danny Bilson, who would later go on to make The Flash series from 1990, Trancers is about a cop from the 23rd century who must travel to the 20th century to stop a bad guy. Cliche’ premise except for the fact that he hooks up with his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother played by a 21-year-old Helen Hunt.





Trancers is a cheap sci-fi/action film, that does take place in Christmas time, and makes up for its shortcomings with a lot of charm. The lead actor is fun to watch and the movie has a noir approach similar to Blade Runner and The Terminator. Grab a glass of eggnog and check it out.




”..... am I my own grandfather?”

So when are we all watching this?

"Limited engagement."

No shit.

Tonight was another December to Dismember at the Alamo Drafthouse.  We got a really good selection this year.  This year's theme was foreign Christmas Horror movies.  Like last year, we also got a short before each film, which were also all foreign.

The first short was the original version of Rare Exports, which inspired the feature length film.  It can be seen as an extra on the bluray.

First up was a Dutch film called Sint (2010).  The English title is Saint Nick.  All of the lore is loosely based on how the Netherlands celebrates Christmas, and it's very different from the US.  On December 5th, 1492, there's a full moon and the evil Bishop Niklas and his band of bloodthirsty cohorts anchor their ship near a Dutch village and plunder the town.  Rather than take the attack lying down, the townsfolk rally and after Nick and his men go back to their ship to get some rest after a long night of murder and mayhem, they row out and put the ship to the torch, burning everyone aboard alive.  A curse is born.  Now, every time there's a full moon on December 5th, Amsterdam and the surrounding area are ravaged by the spirits of Sint Niklas and the Black Peters.



The next short was M is for Merry Christmas, which is about the Krampus being tired of punishing the naughty, and wanting Santa's gig instead.

The next feature was a French dark comedy called 3615 code Pére Noël (1989), with numerous English titles such as Deadly Games, Game Over, Dial Code Santa Claus and Hide & Freak.  This movie is amazing, and should be seen by everyone.  It's got a bit of everything, including Home Alone (it actually came out first), Commando, Rambo, and Silent Night, Deadly Night.  It's loaded with crazy fun.  




The third short was the British version of the Tales from the Crypt story ...and all through the house, which was far more absurd than the US version.  This version features Joan Collins as the murderous spouse. 

The final film of the evening was Better Watch Out (2017), which was filmed in Australia, but with American actors.  Another great movie with some excellent performances.  It starts out seeming to be a Christmas version of The Strangers, but it takes a sharp turn by the end of act one.  Definitely worth checking out.  It's a shame this movie didn't get distributed in theaters, but Christmas themed horror movies scare US distributors away.

Peace on Earth (1939), in which squirrels celebrate the holidays and the death of the human race!

BABES IN TOYLAND (1986)



Drugs and alcohol don't pay for themselves, so Drew Barrymore signed on to star in an adaptation of Babes in Toyland, co-starring Pat Morita and a young Keanu Reeves. The movie begins as a blizzard hits Ohio on Christmas Eve. Drew is in car accident, is knocked out and then awakens in an acid trip called Toyland. A bunch of shit happens, lessons are learned and then she wakes up back in Ohio just in time for Christmas.

Babes in Toyland was originally a successful play in the early 20th century. It has been adapted for the screen numerous times, including in the 1960's by Disney. This one feels like it was made for infants, like if it were an episode of Muppet Babies or something. The original play was about an uncle trying to kill his orphaned nephew & niece for their inheritance. The Disney version was about the villain trying to kill the hero so he could bang his woman. This one is about Drew stopping bad people from taking over Toyland. I know it was the 80's and everything was a toy commercial but come on, man, don't be so desperate. It's not an attractive trait.

ROCKY IV (1985) / CREED II (2018)



This year marked the 30th anniversary of Die Hard, a movie so many people consider to be the greatest holiday film, that its become absurdist. If you really wanna have some yule time chuckles, you could champion Rocky IV instead. Yeah, that’s right, Rocky IV. Remember the big fight between Rocky and Ivan Drago? It took place on Christmas Day. Also, unlike Die Hard, the movie was released in the winter time, giving audiences a festive feeling watching the Italian Stallion avenge his best friend in the ring. In fact, with the exception of Rocky II & III & V, all the Rocky (and now Creed) movies have been released during the holidays. Really, Rocky is more of a Christmastime character than John McClane. When the temperature drops and hot chocolates are brewing, it’s time to watch a Rocky movie. Or if EON ever gets its shit together, James Bond.

Another comparison of both franchises is that Die Hard went from reasonably grounded to ridiculous. It’s last installment saw McClane and his son turning superhuman and fighting bad guys in Russia. Rocky, on the other hand, never went beyond sentimentally campy and then used that to create the sentimentally grounded Creed movies. That’s what’s fascinating about those films. In the same universe where Creed Jr is breaking into tears over emotional & physical distress and Drago Jr is dealing with the mental repercussions of abuse, Apollo danced to James Brown before a match and Rocky climbed a mountain with only his hands and feet. It takes guts to own up to your silliness and grow from it. Unlike your buddy McClane that’s only interested in a quick buck.

Who’s your Saint Nick now, motherfucker?