Post by PhantomKnight on Dec 13, 2020 14:36:21 GMT -5
I watched this back on its release date on June 12th, but figured no one else would so I never bothered to start a review thread. But since Dracula went Review Thread crazy last night...
Where to begin with this trainwreck?
Well, from what little I remember from the book (I read it in middle school way back in 2002), they certainly took some liberties. But that isn't why this movie is so bad. Artemis Fowl isn't so much a movie as it is a collection of bright lights and loud noises. For a film supposedly meant to kickstart a franchise (wow, what a pipe dream that is right about now), it severely lacks anything even remotely resembling cohesion. Things just happen in this movie, with the loosest sense of any rhyme or reason. The worldbuilding is flimsy and the plot is barely there. What this all amounts to is a very expensive siege movie, with the majority of the action being confined to Fowl Manor. The problem with this is that for a hopeful franchise starter with such a potentially rich universe, it shrinks the scope so much that the movie doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of its fantasy landscape. It eventually devolves into just a barrage of empty action scenes with people who feel more like chess pieces than actual characters. Nobody has a personality in here -- not even the main character -- because they're only there to spout expository dialogue and be manipulated by the plot rather than do anything to drive it themselves.
To get back to the worldbuilding for a second...I timed this movie without the end credits. As such, this clocks in at only 88 minutes, and boy does it feel rushed and disjointed. The whole movie is framed in such a way where Josh Gad's character is recounting the events to someone, thus narrating the whole thing, and this has a distinct feeling of filling in gaps. I have to assume that at one point, this movie was longer, but the narration device is here cause of either severe cuts or extensive reshoots. And boy, is it noticeable. By the way, as it so happens, Josh Gad probably gives the most entertaining performance in the whole movie.
To say Artemis Fowl is a disaster would be putting it lightly. This is by far Disney's worst movie in quite a while and proof of just how badly big budget movies can turn out.
Well, from what little I remember from the book (I read it in middle school way back in 2002), they certainly took some liberties. But that isn't why this movie is so bad. Artemis Fowl isn't so much a movie as it is a collection of bright lights and loud noises. For a film supposedly meant to kickstart a franchise (wow, what a pipe dream that is right about now), it severely lacks anything even remotely resembling cohesion. Things just happen in this movie, with the loosest sense of any rhyme or reason. The worldbuilding is flimsy and the plot is barely there. What this all amounts to is a very expensive siege movie, with the majority of the action being confined to Fowl Manor. The problem with this is that for a hopeful franchise starter with such a potentially rich universe, it shrinks the scope so much that the movie doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of its fantasy landscape. It eventually devolves into just a barrage of empty action scenes with people who feel more like chess pieces than actual characters. Nobody has a personality in here -- not even the main character -- because they're only there to spout expository dialogue and be manipulated by the plot rather than do anything to drive it themselves.
To get back to the worldbuilding for a second...I timed this movie without the end credits. As such, this clocks in at only 88 minutes, and boy does it feel rushed and disjointed. The whole movie is framed in such a way where Josh Gad's character is recounting the events to someone, thus narrating the whole thing, and this has a distinct feeling of filling in gaps. I have to assume that at one point, this movie was longer, but the narration device is here cause of either severe cuts or extensive reshoots. And boy, is it noticeable. By the way, as it so happens, Josh Gad probably gives the most entertaining performance in the whole movie.
To say Artemis Fowl is a disaster would be putting it lightly. This is by far Disney's worst movie in quite a while and proof of just how badly big budget movies can turn out.
*/****
