PhantomKnight Goes Spielbergian

Harry Potter & Hook >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Goonies

Like Doomsday outlined in his post, it boils down to there being two kind of people in this world: those who love/like Hook and those who are hollow shells and just empty on the inside.

Just like the space where I should be seeing some kind of witty picture is hollow and empty.

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

This guy gets it.

*cue the John Williams theme*





AMC, or the Breaking Bad channel as kids call it these days, was airing a Jurassic Park marathon this week so I figured it was a good time to revisit the "trilogy" before the release of Jurassic World next year.


JURASSIC PARK (1993)
In the realm of special and visual effects, Jurassic Park is one of the groundbreaking films. Not only does it featuring cutting-edge CGI but also jawdropping animatronics by Stan Winston. But what about the story and characters? Does it measure up to the technology in the movie? The answer is... sort of. Based on the popular novel by Michael Crichton, the film has an interesting premise about a looney businessman who uses genetic engineering to bring dinosaurs back to life and feature them in a theme park. And all the scenes that reveal the theme park and the backstory behind it are fascinating to watch. However, once Jurassic Park turns into a horror movie, everything falls apart. The first mistake was with Wayne Knight's character. He plays a computer engineer who wants to steal dinosaur embryos and sell them to a corporate rival. In order to pull off his scheme, he shuts down the security system for the entire park. Does that make any sense? If he wants to access the embryo room, all he needs is a key card and to turn off the security cameras. The fact that this is how the plot is set in motion is laughable. They should have come up with something more creative. The second mistake was sidelining Jeff Goldblum halfway through the story. He plays Dr. Ian Malcolm, the only character who questions everything about the theme park and the people in charge of it. He's important because he keeps everything in perspective. With him gone, you kind-of root for the dinosaurs. And the third mistake was David Koepp's lazy screenplay. For example, there's a scene where Samuel L. Jackson's character, the only other computer engineer at the theme park, gets eaten by a dinosaur and suddenly the most useless character in the entire film - who's also an annoying child - is given computer skills so she can save the day. If that doesn't make you roll your eyes, then I don't know what will. Maybe the sequels.

THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK (1997)
4 years after almost being eaten by a T-Rex, Dr. Ian Malcolm returns to Jurassic Park - actually the Island next to Jurassic Park - so he can stop a group of people from kidnapping a dinosaur and taking it to the United States for an exhibition. Basically, Steven Spielberg made an unofficial remake of King Kong. But while King Kong is a classic film because "the monster" has a personality, The Lost World: Jurassic Park is another movie where Jeff Goldblum does nothing while people get eaten by dinosaurs. To say this is a disappointing sequel is an understatement. But there is ONE redeeming value. Spielberg allows a T-Rex to roam around San Diego (Burbank in reality) and cause all sorts of mayhem. It's the closest we've gotten to a successful American version of Godzilla.

JURASSIC PARK III (2001)
There's The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic World, so the fact that this movie is simply called Jurassic Park III tells you everything you need to know. I've never seen a lazier sequel in a billion dollar franchise. The whole movie is about a rescue mission. That's it. A boy with the worst parents ever gets stuck in the island and needs to get rescued. That's it. Come waste 93 minutes of your life.


Jurassic Park: B+
The Lost World: B
Jurassic Park III: C-

The best part of Jurassic Park for me was being 8 years old and sitting in the car watching my parents argue over whether I was old enough to go.

You and PG Cooper have the same exact story but for different movies. Which of you two is the plagiarist?

Y'all got it fucked up. My story is me wanting to see Scarface, my Mom being like "I don't know", and my Dad responding, "Oh for Christ sake. The boy's in high school. Let him watch what he wants."

But we already have Super 8.....

'Steven Spielberg To Direct Coming-of-Age Movie Inspired By His Own Childhood'

collider.com/steven-spielberg-new-movie-michelle-williams/