The Corona Diaries

Exactly. Profs be like "whitewashing" and I'm like "casting a New York Jew as a Mexican bandit?"

I haven't seen Outlaw Josey Wales.

And I'm sure I'll really like it.

But it's not as good as Lawrence of Arabia.

Or else I would've seen it already Neverending.

You JUST watched Lawrence of Arabia for the first time.

You got no room talk, sir.

THE MONSTER SQUAD (1987)



Wolfman’s got nards!

The plot to this Goonies knockoff is a bit dumb. Some shit about amulets and wormholes. But it makes up for that in spectacular fashion by oozing with charm, showcasing near-great horror iconography and featuring kickass action scenes. The Monster Squad is pure fun.


DAYS OF THUNDER (1990)



It’s Top Gun... but on the race track... without the camp. It’s alright. Probably the last of the old school Tony Scott movies.


FLED (1996)



Let’s take 1958’s The Defiant Ones and turn it into a dumb action movie. I’d complain. I’d mock. But sadly, by 1996, Hollywood had become very competent in making dumb action movies. You had to really try to make a truly bad one. Even casting Stephen Baldwin couldn’t sink the ship. This is what we used to describe as “turning your brain off.” Ignore the plot and just enjoy the spectacle. Or in this case, watch Laurence Fishburne take his role way too seriously. Dude probably thought this was gonna be the Black Fugitive.

"It's a cameo. Yes I know the cameo is a sex scene, so what?"

Gah my wife loves Rebel Wilson. Not sure if she knows she's in Cats but I plan on drink-watching that next weekend.

Dude, I could have told you the 60's Dolittle was shittier than the Downey one. It's like not even close.

Bizarre to believe that the best Doctor Dolittle movie is the Eddie Murphy one.

As bad as Rebel Wilson is in Cats, James Corden is so much worse. It takes a special skill to be the worst thing in the worst movie, but Corden rises to the occasion.

This is one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen. Literally, zero logic went into it.

It begins in 1972. Christopher Reeve is minding his own business when a random old lady hands him a pocket watch and says to him, "come back to me." Flash forward to 1980. Reeve is staying at a hotel and sees a portrait of the old lady when she was young and it's Jane fucking Seymour. Naturally, he gets a boner. When the blood returns to his brain, he remembers a college professor of his who had a nonsensical theory for time travel. You lay in bed and hypnotize yourself into time traveling. What? It works somehow and Christopher Reeve transports himself to 1912 where he meets and ultimately has sex with Jane Seymour. Soon as that happens he awakens from his hypnosis, back in 1980. So this is the ultimate Rip n Dip story. Except it isn't. Christopher Reeve is distraught by what happened, and like Natalie Portman in Revenge of the Sith, dies of a broken heart. The movie then ends with Reeve and Seymour reuniting in heaven. What?

Somewhere in Time was incredibly popular when I was a kid, as Doomsday will no doubt attest to. It was on TV all the time. I'd catch bits & pieces of it cause Superman is in it. But never in my wildest dreams would I have expected it to be this fucking stupid. It seemed like a cute little chick flick. Still is, really, but you really need to leave your brain at the door.

I am one of the few people who liked Hacksaw Ridge.

I gave Hacksaw a pass at the time, but I also saw it the same night Trump was elected, so my priorities are elsewhere.