Post by Doomsday on Apr 18, 2018 0:08:12 GMT -5
Rampage
Rampage is the definition of a 2018 movie. It's a spectacle, meant to show you what technology can do nowadays even if you've seen it a thousand times already. It's filled with clumsily written dialogue that's completely on the nose, but who cares? Screenwriters aren't so much screenwriters nowadays, they're more like word-gatherers. It has really awkward, weird humor that never really hits and seems almost desperate. Why, why in 2018 do people still think that every scene needs a dose of comic relief? It's not the 90s anymore, aren't we past that? Is there anything that kills a scene more than a joke that isn't needed, let alone funny? Rampage is all of this. It's also full of explosions, crashes, smashes, punches, and any other destructive synonym you can think of. There's nothing that Rampage is hiding, it's everything that you knew it would be. In fact you could almost say it's the most accurate and faithful video game film ever made. Damn, I wish someone would take that and put it on the poster.
The Rock plays David Okoye (yes, I had to look that up), a primatologist whose favorite primate is an albino (is that the PC term?) gorilla named George. In fact you could say they're best friends. We know this because we're constantly told that David 'doesn't like people, he likes animals more.' Now a lot of crap goes down in Rampage and David is in the middle of all of it but every time something happens and he gets cross somebody says 'you don't like people much, do you?' I'm not sure when you last got into an argument with someone or were even in a bad mood yet I'm sure nobody told you 'you must not be a people person.' We're constantly reminded of this however because one of the themes is David learning to trust people. That's where Naomi Harris comes in. Naturally she's a PhD in genetic editing named Kate Caldwell, making her the most attractive PhD in the world. Naturally. When three canisters of a genetic mutation gas thing escapes the space station lab thanks to a mutated giant rat, it's up to David and Kate have to track down and stop the animals that have been affected by it; George, a wolf named Ralph and an alligator that has a name in the video game but not in the movie. Standing in their way is the head of the company that made the chemical. She also created a radio wave beacon that is summoning the monsters to Chicago. Because it's the movie. Unfortunately David doesn't like people much which is also a problem.
So the thing about action movie stars is that they have a shelf life. I guess you could say that about any actor in general but by and large action stars come in, serve a purpose and are quickly relegated to direct to DVD land, also known as Steven Seagalsville. Sly Stallone had a stint there, Bruce Willis has made several recent appearances, JCVD made his rounds too. My point is I'm wondering when we're going to reach peak Rock. You would have thought that last year's Baywatch would have shown people that he might not be the most popular movie star in the world until he turned a frigging Jumanji movie into one of the biggest hits of the year. Jumanji! Rampage shows everything that the Rock has to offer; big muscles, comedic timing that isn't as on point as people give him credit for, very limited range but all buoyed by lots of charm and charisma. Of course one of the trailers was for Skyscraper, a totally not-Die Hard ripoff about a family stuck in a skyscraper when bad guys take it over. But he has a prosthetic leg so it's different. Even by Rock standards this looks like a stupid and hamfisted movie. Will people get tired of him? Have we hit peak Rock? I don't know, I've been wrong before. Maybe it'll be his biggest non-Fast and Furious hit yet much like Jumanji turned out to be. Not that I'm rooting against the guy, far from it, I just want to see someone with such a huge screen presence for an action star, something we haven't seen in twenty years, stick around for a while. I don't want to see him churn out junk, something easier said than done. I could be all wrong and maybe he'll be around forever but the track record of previous action stars, from Schwarzenegger to JCVD to Seagal, shows that even the biggest action stars can sour on people.
But Rampage, it's everything you knew it would be. It's about three animals that destroy Chicago. The Rock is in it. It was directed by the guy who did San Andreas. How did you think this was going to go?
As for a rating, I don't even know how to rate this. It succeeds in everything it tries to do no matter how low the bar was that it set for itself, how can it be all bad for doing exactly that? Let's just say it's anywhere between 2 1/2 to 3 Geostorms.
Rampage is the definition of a 2018 movie. It's a spectacle, meant to show you what technology can do nowadays even if you've seen it a thousand times already. It's filled with clumsily written dialogue that's completely on the nose, but who cares? Screenwriters aren't so much screenwriters nowadays, they're more like word-gatherers. It has really awkward, weird humor that never really hits and seems almost desperate. Why, why in 2018 do people still think that every scene needs a dose of comic relief? It's not the 90s anymore, aren't we past that? Is there anything that kills a scene more than a joke that isn't needed, let alone funny? Rampage is all of this. It's also full of explosions, crashes, smashes, punches, and any other destructive synonym you can think of. There's nothing that Rampage is hiding, it's everything that you knew it would be. In fact you could almost say it's the most accurate and faithful video game film ever made. Damn, I wish someone would take that and put it on the poster.
The Rock plays David Okoye (yes, I had to look that up), a primatologist whose favorite primate is an albino (is that the PC term?) gorilla named George. In fact you could say they're best friends. We know this because we're constantly told that David 'doesn't like people, he likes animals more.' Now a lot of crap goes down in Rampage and David is in the middle of all of it but every time something happens and he gets cross somebody says 'you don't like people much, do you?' I'm not sure when you last got into an argument with someone or were even in a bad mood yet I'm sure nobody told you 'you must not be a people person.' We're constantly reminded of this however because one of the themes is David learning to trust people. That's where Naomi Harris comes in. Naturally she's a PhD in genetic editing named Kate Caldwell, making her the most attractive PhD in the world. Naturally. When three canisters of a genetic mutation gas thing escapes the space station lab thanks to a mutated giant rat, it's up to David and Kate have to track down and stop the animals that have been affected by it; George, a wolf named Ralph and an alligator that has a name in the video game but not in the movie. Standing in their way is the head of the company that made the chemical. She also created a radio wave beacon that is summoning the monsters to Chicago. Because it's the movie. Unfortunately David doesn't like people much which is also a problem.
So the thing about action movie stars is that they have a shelf life. I guess you could say that about any actor in general but by and large action stars come in, serve a purpose and are quickly relegated to direct to DVD land, also known as Steven Seagalsville. Sly Stallone had a stint there, Bruce Willis has made several recent appearances, JCVD made his rounds too. My point is I'm wondering when we're going to reach peak Rock. You would have thought that last year's Baywatch would have shown people that he might not be the most popular movie star in the world until he turned a frigging Jumanji movie into one of the biggest hits of the year. Jumanji! Rampage shows everything that the Rock has to offer; big muscles, comedic timing that isn't as on point as people give him credit for, very limited range but all buoyed by lots of charm and charisma. Of course one of the trailers was for Skyscraper, a totally not-Die Hard ripoff about a family stuck in a skyscraper when bad guys take it over. But he has a prosthetic leg so it's different. Even by Rock standards this looks like a stupid and hamfisted movie. Will people get tired of him? Have we hit peak Rock? I don't know, I've been wrong before. Maybe it'll be his biggest non-Fast and Furious hit yet much like Jumanji turned out to be. Not that I'm rooting against the guy, far from it, I just want to see someone with such a huge screen presence for an action star, something we haven't seen in twenty years, stick around for a while. I don't want to see him churn out junk, something easier said than done. I could be all wrong and maybe he'll be around forever but the track record of previous action stars, from Schwarzenegger to JCVD to Seagal, shows that even the biggest action stars can sour on people.
But Rampage, it's everything you knew it would be. It's about three animals that destroy Chicago. The Rock is in it. It was directed by the guy who did San Andreas. How did you think this was going to go?
As for a rating, I don't even know how to rate this. It succeeds in everything it tries to do no matter how low the bar was that it set for itself, how can it be all bad for doing exactly that? Let's just say it's anywhere between 2 1/2 to 3 Geostorms.
