Tales From the Crypt

With a new version of Tales From the Crypt on the way, it seems like a fitting time to re-visit the original series. For people like Dracula , The Sopranos and its offsprings are the only image they have of HBO. But HBO began its foray into original programming with less prestige. And probably nothing represents that better than Tales From the Crypt. It's a horror-comedy anthology series with a muppet as its host. It's no surprise the new series will instead air on corporate sibling TNT.

The first season is actually quite modest. It's only 6 episodes and each is about 25 minutes long - about 3 hours in total of content. You can binge it quite easily.


THE MAN WHO WAS DEATH
Written by Robert Reneau based on Crypt of Terror #17
Directed by Walter Hill (48 Hrs.)
Original Airdate: June 10, 1989



When a prison executioner loses his job, he decides to take his methods of killing to the streets. Without spoiling anything, this episode captures the spirit of the comic book series it's based on. It was famous for taking ordinary crimes and giving them a humorous twist. For example, one of the stories is about a guy who sells bad meat. His son then eats that bad meat at a restaurant and dies. When his wife finds out, she murders him, chops his body into pieces and then sells it. That's what you're getting into with Tales From the Crypt and this episode taps into it.


AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE
Written by Fred Dekker (The Monster Squad) based on Vault of Horror #35
Directed by Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future)
Original Airdate: June 10, 1989



Prior to the television series, Tales From the Crypt was adapted into two feature films in the 1970's. One of them includes a version of this story, so feel free to compare and contrast. Basically, a woman murders her husband for the insurance money and is then terrorized by a serial killer dressed as Santa Claus. Zemeckis is an accomplished filmmaker and gives the episode a good look and feel. From what I've heard, this is the pilot. That's also why it has more production value than the rest of the season. BUT, whether his fault or not, there's a big reliance on tropes and it hurts the overall product.


DIG THAT CAT... HE'S REAL GONE
Written by Terry Black based on Haunt of Fear #21
Directed by Richard Donner (The Omen, Superman, Lethal Weapon)
Original Airdate: June 10, 1989



Richard Donner began his career on television and spent about 20 years in the medium. He's more than qualified to find creative solutions on time restraints and a small budget. It's what makes this episode stand out from the rest. It stars Joe Pantoliano as a man with nine lives. He becomes a carnival attraction and uses his abilities as a way to make money. The story follows his various encounters with death and how it affects his life. A lot is packed into a short running time, but Donner executes it very well.


ONLY SIN DEEP
Written by Fred Dekker based on Haunt of Fear #24
Directed by Howard Deutch (Pretty in Pink)
Original Airdate: June 14, 1989



Lea Thompson sells her looks for money and is then horrified when she transforms into an ugly old lady. This is the first episode with a supernatural story and... it's interesting to say the least. In this first season, the show works best when it's more grounded.


LOVER COME HACK TO ME
Written by Michael McDowell (Beetlejuice) based on Haunt of Fear #19
Directed by Tom Holland (Child's Play)
Original Airdate: June 21, 1989



This is the worst episode of the season. They even make fun of it on the DVD. Basically, a guy marries a woman for her money and later discovers a deadly family secret. It's a good concept, but the execution is awful. Well, maybe not awful, but it's definitely below the standards of the series since it's more schlock than anything else.


COLLECTION COMPLETED
Written by Battle Davis & Randolph Davis and A. Whitney Brown based on Vault of Horror #25
Directed by Mary Lambert (Pet Sematary)
Original Airdate: June 28, 1989



A grumpy old man, played by M. Emmet Walsh, retires and gets upset by all the pets in his house. When his wife, played by Audra Lindley, refuses to get rid of them, he finds a clever solution to his problem. This episode is more dark comedy than anything else, but it works quite well.


RANK
1. Dig That Cat… He's Real Gone
2. The Man Who Was Death
3. Collection Completed
4. And All Through the House
5. Only Sin Deep
6. Lover Come Hack to Me

DEAD RIGHT
Written by Andy Wolk based on Shock SuspenStories #6
Directed by Howard Deutch
Original Airdate: April 21, 1990



Demi Moore plays a waitress who marries a fat slob (Jeffrey Tambor) for his inheritance money. As you can imagine, things don't turn out well. How Demi Moore, at the height of her fame, ended up on Tales from the Crypt is a testament to Joel Silver's power at the time. Regardless, she actually does a good job, as does Tambor, and it's a pretty entertaining episode.


THE SWITCH
Written by Michael Taav based on Tales From the Crypt #45
Directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger Doomsday SnoBorderZero
Original Airdate: April 21, 1990



Arnold Schwarzenegger, yes, THE Arnold Schwarzenegger found time in-between Total Recall and Kindergarten Cop to direct an episode of Tales from the Crypt. That's your pop culture trivia of the day. The episode is about an old man who falls in love with Kelly Preston, Arnie's Twins co-star, and trades body parts with a young man to win her over. The twist is really silly and kinda ruins the episode, but the ride is very fun.


CUTTING CARDS
Written by Mae Woods based on Tales From the Crypt #32
Directed by Walter Hill
Original Airdate: April 21, 1990



Sometimes you don't know you want something until you see it. Lance Henriksen and Kevin Tighe play two gamblers who take their feud to the extreme. It's a-may-zing! My only disappointment is that it didn't last longer.


TILL DEATH
Written by Jeri Barchilon based on Vault of Horror #28
Directed by Chris Walas
Original Airdate: April 24, 1990



A real estate guy uses a love potion on a rich girl, and well, you know how this turns out. It's schlock-y but fun.


THREE'S A CROWD
Written by Kim Steven Ketelsen based on Shock SuspenStories #11
Directed by David Burton Morris
Release Date: May 1, 1990



On the eve of their anniversary, a man suspects his wife is having an affair. The dark comedy in this episode deserves a cake.


THE THING FROM THE GRAVE
Written and directed by Fred Dekker based on Tales From the Crypt #22
Original Airdate: May 8, 1990



Teri Hatcher's pussy is good enough to kill for. This episode is interesting to say the least.


THE SACRIFICE
Written by Ross Thomas based Shock SuspenStories #10
Directed by Richard Greenberg
Original Airdate: May 15, 1990



Kim Delaney's pussy is good enough to die for. This is a much, much better episode.


FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD
Written by Peter S. Seaman based on Shock SuspenStories #15
Directed by Jeffrey Price
Original Airdate: May 22, 1990



Sam Kinison, Peggy Bundy, Iggy Pop and that semi-midget from Pirates of the Caribbean were in an episode of Tales from the Crypt. That's your other pop culture trivia of the day. This one is about a man tormented by the voices in its head. That voice is, of course, Sam Kinison. So, yes, this episode is as awesome as it sounds.


FOUR SIDED TRIANGLE
Written by James Tugend based on Shock SuspenStories #17
Directed by Tom Holland
Original Airdate: May 29, 1990



Patricia Arquette and her nipples try not to get raped by a hillbilly. The episode is better than it sounds.


THE VENTRILOQUIST'S DUMMY
Written by Frank Darabont based on Tales From the Crypt #28 Dracula PG Cooper
Directed by Richard Donner
Original Airdate: June 5, 1990



Whoever decided to pair Don Rickles and Bobcat Goldthwait in a horror-comedy written by Frank Darabont and directed by Richard Donner is a fucking genius. Rickles plays a ventriloquist with a dark secret. Bobcat is the up-and-coming artist looking for his guidance. What happens next changes their lives forever. I'm making it sound more serious than it really is. The thing is fucking ridiculous but also fucking hilarious. It isn't ha-ha funny. It's more, "I can't believe this exists" funny. It isn't bad or even total schlock. It's actually really well-made. It's just one of those things that will forever amuse you.

Don Rickles.

All right, I'll watch it.

JUDY, YOU'RE NOT YOURSELF TODAY
Written by Scott Nimerfro based on Tales From the Crypt #25
Directed by Randa Haines
Original Airdate: June 12, 1990

One of the shitty episodes.


FITTING PUNISHMENT
Written by Jonathan David Kahn based on Vault of Horror #16
Directed by Jack Sholder
Original Airdate: June 19, 1990

Teen has to live with his shitty uncle. Decent episode.


KORMAN'S KALAMITY
Written by Terry Black based on Tales From the Crypt #31
Directed by Rowdy Herrington
Original Airdate: June 26, 1990



Breaking the fourth wall, an illustrator for Tales from the Crypt is stunned when his characters come to life. This is certainly one of the stand-out episodes, but the comedy is a tad over-done sometimes.


LOWER BERTH
Written by Fred Dekker based on Tales From the Crypt #33
Directed by Kevin Yagher
Original Airdate: July 3, 1990

Origin of the Crypt Keeper. It's disturbingly awesome!


MUTE WITNESS TO MURDER
Written by Nancy Doyne based on Crypt of Terror #18
Directed by Jim Simpson
Original Airdate: July 10, 1990

John-Boy is a psychopath. Decent episode.


TELEVISION TERROR
Written by Randall Jahnson based on Haunt of Fear #17
Directed by Charlie Picerni
Original Airdate: July 17, 1990



If you know nothing about Morton Downey, Jr then I suggest you watch the recent documentary about him. He paved the way for Jerry Springer and Maury and those type of shows. But the guy did have a sense of humor and basically mocked himself in this episode of Tales from the Crypt. If you know the history, you'll enjoy it.


MY BROTHER'S KEEPER
Written by Jeffrey Price based on Shock SuspenStories #16
Directed by Peter S. Seaman
Original Airdate: July 24, 1990

Siamese twins go through great lengths to separate each other. Stand-out episode.


THE SECRET
Written by Doug Ronning based on Haunt of Fear #24
Directed by J. Michael Riva
Original Airdate: July 31, 1990

This is one of the more cleverly written episodes. Tales from the Crypt always has a twist ending that people can see a mile away, but it don't matter cause the journey is more important. Here, while the twist isn't surprising, it does throw a few curve balls.


SEASON 2 RANK
1. The Ventriloquist's Dummy
2. For Cryin' Out Loud
3. My Brother's Keeper
4. Lower Berth
5. Television Terror
6. The Secret
7. The Sacrifice
8. Korman's Kalamity
9. Dead Right
10. Cutting Cards
11. Four-Sided Triangle
12. The Switch
13. Three's a Crowd
14. Till Death
15. Fitting Punishment
16. Mute Witness to Murder
17. The Thing From the Grave
18. Judy, You're Not Yourself Today

Killed due to rights issues

io9.gizmodo.com/tnt-has-killed-the-tales-from-the-crypt-reboot-1795741141