The Coen Bros.

I can’t recall the last time I watched Blood Simple, but it was so long ago that I forgot Same Old Song by the Four Tops is basically the theme song. No disrespect towards Carter Burwell’s Twilight music and the Chris Nolan style ambient sounds. When Dan Hedaya dragged Frances McDormand out the door, I thought it would cut to Oppenheimer giving a speech about the atomic bombs successfully blowing up Japan.


Some further thoughts for SnoBorderZero


— Frances McDormand is kinda cute here. She’s generally in the Hilary Swank category of “maybe after a few beers” but I’d sober fuck her in this movie. Doomsday might call this an insensitive comment. It is 2023 after all. But the whole premise of this film revolves around two dudes willing to kill each other over a woman. Was Holly Hunter unavailable?


— I’m amazed this movie is only 90 minutes since it moves slower than paint drying and it’s just the Coen’s and Barry Sonnenfeld jerking off over all the cool shots they came up with.


— The acting is wooden as hell. Can’t believe this is three-time Academy Award winner Frances McDormand. The Daniel Day Lewis of actresses. How embarrassing.


— Before Dracula and PG Cooper murder me, the screenplay is pretty good. It’s no Kevin Smith Clerks but what is? For a first time script, it’s engaging and has a nice twist to it. That combined with the overly excessive “cool shots” make this a fun watch.

Sir, he’s in the Fly and the Fly II.





I don’t know, man. In that swimsuit photo she got overshadowed by Dan Hedaya’s hairy body. Guy was competing with Robin Williams.

Did John Getz steal your bicycle?

Miller’s Crossing (1990)




Speaking of Coen Bros movies I hadn’t watched in ages, Miller’s Crossing is one I’d been meaning to revisit. Narrative has a strong impact on people’s perception of a film. This is infamously the one in which the Coen’s had writer’s block so people remember it as the one with “the bad script.” On the contrary, the screenplay is actually pretty good. I read it in high school and it revealed how meticulous the Coen’s are. What’s on the page is literally what’s on the screen, with very little deviation. At least that is my recollection of it.

Having rewatched this soon after Blood Simple it shows how much the Coen’s progressed but also how much they stayed the same. In Blood Simple, the Coen’s and Barry Sonnenfeld are flashy as hell. Here they're mostly restrained and have trust in the material. But that material isn’t too far apart from Blood Simple. Both movies kinda center around the same general theme. Two men sharing a woman. Or as PG Cooper would likely say in a video essay, “one woman sharing two men.”

The plot in Miller’s Crossing is all over the place. Rival gangs going up against each other. A woman coming in between two men. Our main character in gambling debt that influences his actions throughout the story. It’s a lot to take in, which is likely why audiences think the script is muddy. But as said before, it’s pretty good and engaging. It also has great cinematography and music. The cast is a lot of fun. Objectively, Miller’s Crossing is pretty great. But it does miss a bit of an “it” factor that sorta hurts it. This isn’t exactly the most memorable of the Coen’s body of work and I can’t put my finger on exactly why. My best guess is that it kinda fails as a gangster film. The world these characters inhabit is played for laughs so you never buy into the conflict. These characters could have been from the same universe as Blood Simple and it wouldn’t have made a difference.

The Big Lebowski (1998)




I kinda wish I had rewatched this a year or two ago. It would have inspired some rather amusing office party Halloween costumes.

Big Lebowski has been a favorite Coen Bros movie (if not the favorite) since I first watched it in high school. But it is on this rewatch that I related to it.

Jeff Bridges stars as “the Dude”, an Eagles hating former roadie for Metallica (those guys are assholes) who is mistaken for a millionaire whose trophy wife (played by pre fame Tara Reid) is a teenage runaway that owes money around town. Along his journey he crosses paths with a porn producer, a failed German new wave group, the no nonsense sheriff of Malibu and a rich feminist artist that wants to conceive with him. His landlord does one-man shows. His “best friends” are John Milius (John Goodman), director of 1982’s Conan the Barbarian, and some guy (Steve Buscemi) that only tags along to fill out the bowling team.

This is such an hilarious satire of low-level showbiz that I’m shocked Doomsday and SnoBorderZero don’t watch it every 6 months to laugh at themselves. I almost fell off the bed laughing at the scene in which they’re eating In-N-Out right after their altercation with the son of the TV writer. Jeff Bridges expression in that scene, I hate to admit, I can relate.

I used to love browsing the Hallmark store. I think they closed down their brick & mortar locations ages ago. There hasn’t been one near me for about a decade.

THE HUDSUCKER PROXY (1994)

Hollywood.

It's 2019. Well, for a few more minutes it is. Come midnight it's going to be 2020. A whole other feeling. The New Year. The future. Yeah, ole daddy Earth fixin' to start one more trip around the sun. Everybody hoping this ride be a little giddier, a little gayer. Yep. Everybody having a good time. Well, almost everybody. There are a few lost souls floating out there. This one's Doomsday . How'd he gets so high? And why is he feeling so low? Is he really going do it -- is Doomsday really going to jelly up the sidewalk? Well, the future, that's something you can't never tell about. But the past... that's another story.

Say, buddy! What takes fifty years to get up to the top floor and thirty seconds to get down? George Lucas.

George Lucas built Lucasfilm with his bare hands. Every step he took was a step up. Except of course the last one. Sure, sure, he was a swell guy, but when the president, chairman of the board and holder of eighty-seven percent of the company's stock drops forty-four floors then the company has a problem. Lucas left no will. The company bylaws are quite clear in that event. His entire portfolio will be converted to common stock and will be sold over the counter as of the first of the fiscal year following his demise. Meaning simply that Lucasfilm stock, and control of the company, will be available to the public on January first. Any slob in a smelly Star Wars t-shirt will be able to buy Lucasfilm stock. The stock must be depressed. One month to make the blue-chip investment of the century look like a round-trip ticket on the Titanic. All that is needed is a new president who will inspire real panic in the stockholders. A puppet. A proxy. A pawn.

Doomsday has been working on something for two or three years. You know, for kids. Which is perfect for Lucasfilm. Not that he claims to be any great genius; but like they say, inspiration is 99 percent perspiration, and in his case, it's at least twice that. Sure, sure. Doomsday has a liberal arts degree from Orange County Community College but his classmates called him a jerk, a Schmoe, a schnook, a dope, a dipstick, a lamebrain. All behind his back. And just take a look at his mug -- the jutting eyebrows, the simian forehead, the idiotic grin. Why he has a face only a mother could love -- on payday. The stockholders will love him.

Spaceman and his pet alien. Helmet Man and Green Monster. The Daddy-Oh. Wait. Wait. I got something.

What began as the brainchild of this Orange County whiz kid is now a craze sweeping the nation. The Mandalorian and Grogu, a product of LucasFilm Limited, is a streaming program that some experts predict may eclipse the film business. Mom's taking a break from household chores to watch it. Dads are into it too.

Sure, sure. Doomsday caught a wave. He and his dingus are on top. He's even dating Sydney Sweeney. But it shall pass. The higher he climbs, the harder he drops. Shame, dishonor, ignominy and disgrace are in his future. The fact is he's slowed down, sitting up like a sultan, not doing a lick of work. Ideas are the lifeblood of Hollywood, and he hasn't come up with one since Baby Yoda and the reason's plain to see. He's forgotten what made his ideas exciting. It wasn't for the fame and the wealth and the mindless adulation. People thought Doomsday was a swell guy, a little slow maybe, but a swell guy. Well, maybe he's not so slow, and not so swell either and it looks like he was an imbecile after all.

A dying man's last wish.

"From the desk of George Lucas to Kathleen Kennedy. Regarding my demise. Dear Kat. By the time you read this, I will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. I know that you will be wondering why I have decided to move on, ending my tenure at LucasFilm, and here on Earth. You will be thinking, why now, when things are going so well? Granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. However, Kat, these things have long since ceased to give me pleasure. I look at myself now and no longer see the idealistic young man who started this company. Now I see only an empty shell whom others call a 'success.' How has this come to pass? When and why did I trade all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations, for the emptiness of power and wealth? What the heck have I done? Looking back now, Kat, I see that I allowed time and age to corrupt my dreams. Instead of fiercely guarding what was timeless inside of myself, I let the hubbub of earthly commerce erode my character and dissolve my better self. How is it that some manage to preserve themselves where I have failed? Kat, I do not know. Perhaps if others love you, you may more securely love yourself -- but I am alone. I loved a woman once, Kat, as you well know -- a beautiful, vibrant lady, an angel who in her wisdom saw fit to leave me. We have made our compromises with time. The future belongs to the young, who may more energetically wage the battle against corruption. Accordingly, in the spirit of hope (a new hope), and the ringing in of the new, I hereby bequeath my entire interest in the company, and my seat on the board, to whomever LucasFilm has chosen to replace me. Work closely with the new president. Strive for success but never worship it. The force will be with you. I have spoken. This is the way."

And so began 2020. Doomsday started dreaming up them exciting new ideas again. You know, for kids. I hear Skeleton Crew comes out on December 3rd. And that's the story of how Doomsday climbed all the way up to the forty-fourth floor and then fell all the way down, but didn't quite squish himself.

Ya know, they say SnoBorderZero jumped from the forty-fifth floor... but that's another story.