The PG Cooper List Thread: Gamer Days

Hey man, you have Re-Animator, you're a-ok in my book

Top Ten Under-Appreciated Horror Themes

Originally, I wanted to make a list of the top ten greatest horror themes of all-time, but very quickly realized that my list was going to be the exact same as everybody elses. Psycho, Halloween, Jaws, The Exorcist, etc. We all know what the best horror themes are and there really isn’t much point in me repeating them. Instead, I’m going to be looking at the lesser-celebrated horror themes that I really dig. The movies themselves are not exactly deep cuts, but the music, in my opinion, doesn’t get enough love.

10. The Orphanage, “Reunión y final”



I had some reservations about placing this song in the list. It’s not a very scary piece of music, in fact if you heard it out of context you might not even know it’s from a horror film. Ultimately though, I like the piece too much to exclude it. It’s a beautiful piece of music from a horror gem more people should see.

9. Eraserhead, “In Heaven”



This is essentially the opposite of my last choice. This piece of music is very simple lyrically and instrumentally, but what it lacks in technical precision it makes up for in sheer creepiness. The song almost feels like a lullaby, and while it does have a slow pace, it’s anything but soothing.

8. Creepshow, “Main Theme”



This is a great little atmospheric piece that slowly builds into something good. It’s definitely a creepy bit of music, but it’s also fun, which is the perfect tone for a film like Creepshow. The piano bits are especially great.

7. Halloween III: Season of the Witch, “Chariots of Pumpkins”



John Carpenter’s Halloween is the essential slasher film and its score (also composed by Carpenter) is rightly considered to be one of the best themes in horror history. But it wasn’t the only awesome piece of music to be composed by Carpenter from the series. This intense synthesizer piece has a high energy, a level of dread, and is really infectious.

6. Dawn of the Dead (1978), “Main Theme”



This song is basically a perfect embodiment of Romero’s zombies. It’s slow, simple, and repetitive, but eventually overwhelming. It’s also a really nice atmospheric piece that just sounds awesome.

5. Phantasm, “Main Theme”



This was the theme that made me want to focus the list on the lesser appreciated horror scores. I think this is a really great piece of music. It starts slow and simple, but gradually adds more elements to build a sense of mystery. The song eventually fades out similar to how it started, simple and quiet, but chilling all the same.

4. The Fly (1986), “Finale”



While most of the music I’ve highlighted is subtle, atmospheric music, this is very much the opposite. This is a big and theatrical song which fully fits the operatic tragedy of The Fly. It’s a really strong piece of music in isolation, and it’s used to great effect in the film. After an extremely tense climax, this piece of music comes blaring in like a gut-punch.

3. The Night of the Hunter, “Main Theme”



This starts out really loud and intense, then moves into a softer lullaby with some creepy overtones. It’s the first bit of this that I really like. It’s very memorable and just sounds awesome. However the whole thing captures the film’s bizarre tone of half dream, half nightmare.

2. Carrie (1976), “For the Last Time We’ll Pray”



Not all of the music in Carrie works, but this short piece really excels. There’s something dreadfully creepy about this work, but also an underlying sadness, which is of course perfectly appropriate. Carrie is part horror story, but tragedy, and that really comes through here. I will say the last minute or so isn’t as great, but the first part is so powerful that it ultimately doesn’t matter.

1. Suspiria, “Main Theme”



I have no idea why this theme isn’t more highly regarded. It has a great dream-like tone which captures the film perfectly, it has atmospheric and slow moments, along with moments of speed and high intensity. Even if you haven’t seen Suspiria, Goblin’s score just drips of horror.

Top Ten Scariest Non Horror Movies

Just as there are funny films which aren’t actually comedies, so too are their films which bear certain elements akin to a horror movie, but don’t actually belong to the genre. That’s what this list is all about; taking a look at films which have elements of horror, but don’t actually qualify. It should be noted that I’m not talking about movies like The Silence of the Lambs where people debate over how much of a horror film it really is, I’m talking about movies which are not qualified as horror by anybody, but still contain some terrifying content all the same.

10. There Will Be Blood



Taken as a whole, There Will Be Blood probably doesn’t seem very horrific, but a few isolated elements do stand out. For one, the title. It’s foreboding, dark, and was even the tagline for Saw II. Then of course there’s Johnny Greenwood’s aggressive score, with its screechy violins evoking Bernard Herrmann and Psycho. Finally, the whole film has a dark, American Gothic undertone. Does it come out to being a horror film? No, but those elements are there.

9. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory



At first I considered placing Willy Wonka in the list as a bit of a joke, citing the various bizarre things that happen to the kids and the fact that we never see them at the end. Sure, Wonka says they’re fine, but the dude is a liar so we can’t take his word entirely. However what locked this a spot in my list is the infamous tunnel ride with its dark lighting and horrific imagery all set to a playful little tune from Wonka. A tune with lyrics like “Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/ Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/ Yes! The danger must be growing.” Oh, and when Wonka’s finished singing, he lets out a blood curdling scream. So yeah, while the film is full of colours and musical numbers, there’s some twisted shit going down in Wonka’s factory.

8. Orpheus (1950)



I also strongly considered Jean Cocteau’s Beauty and the Beast for this list as well. Both films feature some really abstract, dark imagery and a sense of helplessness, but I think the plot of Orpheus fits horror better. The film is about a man whose girlfriend is killed, so he travels the underworld to retrieve her. However during his trip, the man falls in love with death. Cocteau depicts the underworld as being very dark and abstract, but also run in a bureaucratic fashion. At the end of the day, the film is more a dark romance focused on exploring ideas, but if he wanted to, Cocteau could have made this a horror film pretty easily.

7. Alice in Wonderland (1951)



I might be losing major credibility here. Disney films aren’t really thought of as being scary or twisted. But really think about Alice in Wonderland. It’s a little girl who becomes lost in a world of madness where everyone is insane and/or wants to kill her. That’s pretty damn grizzly. Of course, the film doesn’t play even remotely as horror. It’s a bright, colourful, and silly adventure. But the basic structure and some of the side elements are fairly horrific. There’s a reason so many different works have taken this story and the characters into darker territory. And while we’re on the subject of Disney, let’s given an honourable mention to Pinocchio and that fucked up scene where the kids are turning into donkeys. The rest of the movie is colourful and fun, but that shit is some serious nightmare fuel.

6. Brazil



Based heavily on George Orwell’s 1984, Brazil depicts a man trapped in a dystopian, bureaucratic nightmare world where governments monitor everything, machines are overtaking people, and individual freedoms are not valued. The ending in particular has some very horrific implications. However Terry Gilliam leans far away from the darkness in the tone, instead embracing a comedic vibe. Brazil is full of slapstick, gags, and a zany comic energy. Had Gilliam chose to emphasize the dystopia, he might have made something terrifying (albeit still probably not a horror film). Instead, Gilliam made something hilarious which still contains some very dark undercurrents.

5. Jurassic Park



Jurassic Park is basically a remake of Frankenstein, where a scientist tampers with the laws of nature, creating something far more powerful and dangerous then he imagined. The difference is Steven Spielberg chooses to downplay to moral questions at work in favour of adventure, excitement, and wonderment. The film does a lot of suspenseful moments, but it does tip into horror in a few brief moments. I’ll never forget the moment where Sam Jackson’s severed arm drapes over Laura Dern’s shoulders, particularly how the initial calm gives way to terror.

4. Touch of Evil



A lot of Orson Welles films almost feel like a cinematic representation of a nightmare. This is true of Mr. Arkadin, The Trial, Othello, and the climactic scene of The Lady from Shanghai. However none of his films embody a nightmare as well as Touch of Evil. The tilted angles, dark shadows, morally compromised people, and all around awful stuff that happens in the film all add up to a world of darkness and aggression. These elements may seem par for the course for film noir, but there’s something about Welles’ execution that takes it to another level. Welles himself plays a very frightening and corrupt character. At the end of the day, Touch of Evil is undoubtedly a film noir, but one could say it flirts with horror. Plus, Charlton Heston plays a Mexican. Doesn’t get much spookier than that.

3. The Terminator



I’ve discussed how The Terminator feels like a horror film before, so I won’t spend too long on this. Basically, the film is structured exactly like a slasher film. An indestructible villain relentlessly pursues a young girl with intent to kill. Nothing can seemingly top him as he slaughters all in his way until (SPOILER ALERT!!!!) only girl is left to fend for herself. That basic structure can be applied to most slashers, and it can be applied to The Terminator as well. However because the violence is brought on by guns and not knives or chainsaws, it becomes an action movie.

2. A Clockwork Orange



Weird, abstract science-fiction often has some elements of horror. The characters feel helpless in an inhuman world where things are often strange, surreal, and frightening. I considered THX 1138, but it quickly became apparent that the only right choice would be Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange. Aside from the fact that Alex DeLarge is often placed with horror villains like Freddy Kruger and Michael Myers in popular culture, A Clockwork Orange also depicts some extremely heinous violence, as well as one of the most brutal torture sequences in film history. However Kubrick does not dwell in horror. In fact, he seems to find a twisted humour in Clockwork, which ends up becoming satire more than anything. It wouldn’t take much to push this into the realms of horror though.

1. Requiem for a Dream



Darren Aronofsky’s portrayal of drug addiction is honest, brutal, and one of the most horrifying films I’ve ever seen. Aronofksy uses some really aggressive editing and oppressive music to really illustrate how much of a living hell drug addiction can be. I think most people would agree that it’s a very scary film, but would also agree it’s not a horror movie. Why doesn’t it qualify? It’s hard to say. From my perspective, the film is such an open exploration of real human suffering that it moves away from horror and become something else entirely.

Top Ten Most Anticipated Horror Films I Haven't Seen

Over the past few years, I’ve been trying to expand my horror horizons. I’d like to think I’ve seen quite a bit since I’ve started writing about movies, but I still have a way to go. So I’ve decided to compile a list of the ten horror films I haven’t seen, but which I’m most anticipating. I couldn’t really settle on a ranking, so I decided to just go in chronological order. But before I dive in…

Honourable Mention: Friday the 13th (1980)

The fact that I’ve never seen the original Friday the 13th is probably one of my greatest horror blind spots given what a major franchise it spawned. And yet, it isn’t exactly a movie I’m chomping at the bit to see. I’ve seen some of the sequels (along with the remake) and none of these movies really made me think this is a series I’d like to dive into. On top of that, the reputation for the original is fairly mixed. The series didn’t seem to come into its own until Part Three. I do want to see it eventually, but it doesn’t excite me the way the other films in my list do. So, I have it here as an honourable mention.

1. The Man Who Laughs (1928)


There were a lot of silent horror movies that I considered for this list, but The Man Who Laughs won out. The fact that the film comes at the tail end of the silent era is enticing. Silent films were at a creative peak at the late 1920s and this German Expressionist work’s reputation reflects that. However what pushed this over the edge was simply the influence The Man Who Laughs had in creating one of my favourite characters of all-time; The Joker. That’s one hell of a legacy.

2. Freaks (1932)


Freaks is a film I’m primarily interested in for how unique it is. It seems shocking that a film depicting circus folk with real deformities would be made by Hollywood in the 1930s. Sure enough, the film was considered obscene and buried for a number of years. The film was rediscovered by the counter-culture movement and is now considered a horror classic for its ability to frighten audiences, and to touch them emotionally. Sign me up.

3. Vampyr (1932)


My interest in Vampyr stems entirely from my appreciation of Carl Theodor Dryer. I’ve only seen two of his films, but both were excellent. Day of Wrath is a very powerful work and The Passion of Joan of Arc is arguably the greatest silent film of all-time. This is Dryer’s first sound film, but is said to use a lot of silent film techniques. That’s a pretty interesting approach. Vampyr seems a crucial step in the evolution of a major director.

4. The Thing from Another World (1951)


I’m familiar with John Carpenter’s awesome version of The Thing, but so far the original has eluded me. It’s a film that interests both as a fan of horror and science-fiction. In terms of the latter, The Thing from Another World seems to be playing in the same territory as other 50s sci-fi movies like The Day the Earth Stood Still. By that I mean they are films with B movie trappings, but ones where the elements and execution elevate the works to a higher level. Beyond that, how can you not be interested in a movie about a bunch of dudes trapped in the arctic with a deadly alien?

5. Les Diaboliques (1955)


Released on the heels of his masterful The Wages of Fear, Henri-Georges Clouzot directed this psychological horror film which has received nothing but praise since release. In truth, I actually know very little about this film beyond its stellar reputation, but in this case, that’s enough. It’s also worth noting that Alfred Hitchcock had attempted to secure the rights of the novel for his own adaptation, but was beaten by Clouzot.

6. Onibaba (1964)


The 1950s and 60s are often considered a golden age for Japanese cinema and is a movement I’d like to be exposed to more of. As of now, most of my knowledge of Japanese movies of the era (and really at all) comes from Akira Kurosawa. Another one of the major players is Kaneto Shindo, whose horror film Onibaba is widely praised. It’s interesting that the film also be listed as a historical drama, which is something not usually seen in Horror without supernatural elements. I’m intrigued.

7. Kwaidan (1964)


Yet again we have a Japanese horror film from 1964, but this time I’m a little more familiar with the director. Directed by Masaki Kobayashi, Kwaidan (which literally translates to “ghost stories”) is an anthology horror film of Japanese folk lore. Anthology films are often hit or miss, but with one consistent directorial voice behind each segment, I have a lot more faith. Especially since director Kobayashi’s previous film, Harakiri, is a masterpiece of storytelling, particularly in regards to theme and structure.

8. Eraserhead (1977)


So far I’ve seen three David Lynch movies and while I haven’t really loved any of them, I’m compelled to keep looking. His debut feature, Eraserhead, is the one I’m most compelled by. I’ve already highlighted the awesome music in a previous list, but the fact that the film was a favourite of Stanley Kubrick and a major influence on The Shining is also a huge factor in my interest. The film as a whole seems trippy, but hugely important and a must-see both as a horror fan and a cinephile.

9. Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)


F.W. Murnau’s original Nosferatu is one of the undisputed masterpieces of the silent era and among the most important films, let alone horror films, of all-time. A remake would seem an insane proposition, but Werner Herzog’s version is also cited as an outstanding work. The film is said to not only embrace the horror and atmosphere of the story, but to also speak to the tragedy and loneliness of a vampire’s existence. That’s an interesting angle to take with this story. I’ve also been wanting to see more Herzog films (so far all I’ve seen is Aguirre, the Wrath of God) and this seems to be a great place to go next.

*Editors note: As anyone who's been following the 31 Days of Halloween Thread, I've seen Nosferatu the Vampyre since making the list and loved it.

10. Scanners (1981)


David Cronenberg is one of my favourite directors and I knew one of his early horror films had to make this list. I did strongly consider The Brood, his 1979 film about murderous children, but ultimately decided to go with Scanners with its head-exploding action. The film’s plot seems somewhat reminiscent of Cronenberg’s Videodrome in that it deals with a world of the supernatural hidden beneath the reality we know. The film is also thought to be an important step in Cronenberg’s mastery of body horror. Given how essential body horror has been in Cronenberg’s work (even his non-horror films) this is a must-see for any fan of his work. Plus, have you guys seen that head explosion? Fucking rad.

Yeah. Scanners is shit. Eraserhead too.

Top Ten Greatest Horror Films of All Time

Concluding my series of horror list is the ultimate one; my favourite horror films of all time. I did a list of my favourite horror films a few years ago, but that list sucked. It’s time to set the record straight.

10. Frankenstein (James Whale, 1931)


I’m a big fan of the Universal Monster films directed by James Whale. The Invisible Man and Bride of Frankenstein are both fantastic, but Whale’s first monster film, Frankenstein, is certainly his best. The film is steeped in atmosphere, with great horror set-pieces, and features two iconic performances. Boris Karloff’s monster is one of the most famous film characters of all-time, and Colin Clive’s Dr. Frankenstein steals a number of scenes. Perhaps most importantly though, despite the numerous changes made to Mary Shelley’s novel, Whale does an excellent job capturing the themes and humanity of the story.

“Crazy, am I? We’ll see whether I’m crazy or not.”

9. The Exorcist (William Friedkin, 1973)


The Exorcist is one of the most praised horror films of all time, from both genre fans and more casual moviegoers. But why is that? Well, for one thing, William Friedkin’s craft is truly exceptional. The film takes its time to develop its characters and their stories, while also building a tense atmosphere. The film is also full of memorable scenes and some of the best set-pieces in all of horror cinema. However I think the reason the film resonates so deeply with so many is because at the heart of the film is a very simple idea; a parent unable to help her sick child. It’s a very basic fear that most anyone can relate to (parent or child) regardless of whether or not one actually believes in the devil.

“Keep away. The sow is mine.”

8. Dawn of the Dead (George A. Romero, 1978)


I could have just as easily gone with Romero’s original zombie classic Night of the Living Dead. It’s certainly the more important film and it’s probably scarier too, but Dawn wins out with its satirical material. Many point to the metaphor of consumers as zombies, which is certainly there, but what I find even scarier is how the film depicts humans coming to accept a horrifying world. There is a moment in the film where the characters are actually fairly content, in spite of the awful conditions around them. That might sound hopeful, but Romero presents it more as humanity’s ability to passively accept a subpar world. Beyond that though, this is just a really entertaining film with great characters and pacing.

“When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.”

7. Nosferatu/Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht (F.W. Murnau, 1922; Werner Herzog, 1979)


I knew I wanted both versions of Nosferatu on my list, but had diffcultly placing one above the other. Given how perfect the function as companion pieces, I decided they could share a spot (which also give me space for an extra film in the list). Murnau’s original film is one of the great forefathers of horror cinema. The German expressionist visuals and the make-up effects used to create Count Orlock are truly haunting and add a great degree of atmosphere to the film. Watching Nosferatu is a truly mesmerizing experience, akin to a fable or nightmare. Herzog’s version of the story is just as strong in its own right. It lacks the original boldness of Murnau, but Herzog injects a great deal of humanity and psychological complexity to the proceedings, while also bringing his own sophisticated visuals to the screen. It’s a fantastic film which, though I only watched it for the first time this month, I have no reservations about placing on this list.

“The death ship has a new captain.”

“Death is not the worst. There are more horrible things than death.”

6. Jaws (Steven Spielberg, 1975)


Jaws is the kind of film that it almost seems pointless to write anything about. Almost everyone loves it and the film is widely acknowledged as one of the greatest of all-time. Steven Spielberg is a man known for crafting amazing set-pieces, from the opening scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark, to the Omaha Beach scene in Saving Private Ryan. The film that started this precedent is Jaws, which still features some of the best scenes of the director’s career. The opening, the shark attack with Hooper in the cage, and the climax are all riveting. Probably the best scene though is the beach attack. Spielberg does an excellent job establishing the setting and building the tension before all hell breaks loose. Spielberg also nails the little details which help make this feel real. All of the character interaction is great. These all seem like genuine people and I find myself interested in them as people beyond their involvement in the plot. Robert Shaw’s performance as Quint in particular is incredible. Bottom line, the film is a classic for a reason.

“You know the thing about a shark, he’s got…lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a dolls eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white.”

5. Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960)


Hitchcock has a reputation as a horror director, but that’s not entirely accurate. The man certainly made suspenseful films, but they almost always leaned closer to the thrillers or even adventure films than straight up horror. When the man did make horror though, he wasn’t fucking around. Psycho is the man’s most famous film and undoubtedly one of his best. The film sees Hitchcock at the height of his powers, with a masterful control and visual storytelling. Some of the shots here are staggering and the decision to shoot on a lower budget with a TV crew helps give the film an appropriately raw feel. The fact that the set-pieces are amazing goes without saying, but even little scenes are great. Though opening with Marion and Sam in bed together, though simple, is very engaging and ripe with clever detail. And though the film’s plot is highly known now, its unconventional structure is highly admirable. And then you have Anthony Perkins’ Norman Bates, who is quite simply one of the best of all horror characters.

“We all go a little mad sometimes.”

4. The Silence of the Lambs (Jonathan Demme, 1991)


Regarding the case of whether not this counts as horror, I think James Rolfe’s recent argument for it is perfect. “It’s about a psychopath who stitches together human skin and a cannibalistic doctor who acts like a snake”. Sounds like horror to me and it’s one of my all-time favourite films. The characters are a big part of why. Hannibal Lecter is one of cinema’s greatest villains and Anthony Hopkins’ performance is unforgettable. Equally strong is Jodie Foster as Clarice Starling, who is a commanding presence and a complex character. The whole cast here is strong. Scott Glenn, Ted Levine, Anthony Heald; they all give memorable turns, but this is undoubtedly Foster and Hopkins’ film. The scenes between the two of them are incredible and the film’s highlight, in large part thanks to the excellent script. Jonathan Demme does a great job visualizing the story, which looks harsh and brutal but always grounded in reality. This is a film which I saw early in my development as a film buff and its left one hell of a psychological impact on me.

“Brave Clarice. You let me know when the lambs stop screaming, won’t you?”

3. The Shining (Stanley Kubrick, 1980)


One of the reasons Stanley Kubrick is my favourite filmmaker is his ability to achieve greatness in any genre. This is basically the greatest haunted house movie of all-time, but it doesn’t really feel like one. The ghosts (if they even exist) never take conventional forms and the Overlook Hotel doesn’t look like a haunted house. It isn’t dilapidated or steeped in darkness, but in good condition and often illuminated. What makes it scary is the vastness and emptiness of the hotel. The film is also a great study of how people locked in secluded isolation for too long react to their scenario, albeit in a heightened setting. Jack Nicholson’s turn is iconic, but I think Shelley Duvall is great too and is sadly overlooked. She does a good job providing a warm presence slowly broken down by all that’s heaped upon her. The film is also masterfully shot and has a very ominous score. Kubrick loads the film with a ton of mystery and ambiguity. The film is definitely open to interpretation and I do have my own, but this isn’t a film which needs to be analyzed in order to be enjoyed. Simply as a work of exhilarating horror filmmaking, complete with amazing scenes and technical prowess, The Shining excels.

“I think a lot of things happened right here in this particular hotel over the years and not all of ‘em was good.”

2. Alien (Ridley Scott, 1979)


Alien has a very simple premise; the crew of a spaceship stumble across a beacon on an unknown planet and upon investigating uncover a deadly alien who begins killing them all one by one. The film does have some twists, and the sexual undertones certainly add to the themes, but it’s actually the simplicity that makes Alien so effective. The film is a brilliant exploration of the fear of the unknown. What lies in the dark beyond what we know, and what can it do to us? On that note, the script does an excellent job slowly revealing what the creature is. Though a huge part of pop culture now, audiences in 1979 had no idea what the alien even was, much less what it was capable of. On a more basic level, the crew’s isolation and claustrophobia translate really well. They really do feel trapped, and watching them try and survive is one hell of a thrill. The film also benefits greatly from Ridley Scott’s attention to detail. The production design is immaculate (the spaceship feels real and lived in) and is complimented by the amazing cinematography and special effects. And on top of all that, the film has an excellent cast. These characters may not be the deepest, but actors like Sigourney Weaver, Yaphet Kotto, and Harry Dean Stanton make them really endearing. Alien is a perfect film.

“You still don’t understand what you’re dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.”

1. The Fly (David Cronenberg, 1986)


This was not an easy list to pick a number one. For the longest time my favourite horror movie was a toss-up between The Shining and Alien, with Scott’s film holding the edge. But earlier this year I rewatched The Fly and the more I sit with it, the more I realize it’s my choice for the greatest horror film of all-time. It’s a very well-crafted film, full of great scenes, amazing special effects, and a genuinely horrifying and disgusting monster at the center of the film. On a deeper level, this film is really about one of the most universal fears of all; dying. The Fly is all about struggling to accept mortality. Seth Brundle needs to face his own death, as does his lover, Veronica. Genre film or not, The Fly is one of the most powerful explorations of death I’ve ever seen. The fact that the film is able to dwell on disease and aging in this analysis adds to the power of the exploration. But perhaps the film’s greatest accomplishment is the emotional attachment it creates despite the heavy special effects employed. This is in large part thanks to the fantastic performances from Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis. I really care about these people and to see their stories go down such a dark path has a tangible effect. David Cronenberg, often known as for his dark provocations, embeds the film with a great sense of humanity. It’s this humanity which allows the film to resonate on such a deep level.

“I’m saying I’m an insect, who dreamt he was a man, and loved it. But now the dream is over…and the insect is awake.”

And with that, I wish you all a great Halloween. Thanks for reading my list(s). Hope you enjoyed reading and please, let me know what you think.

Thanks. The rest of the list are kind of the cliché choices I suppose, but they're cliché for a reason.

But yeah, I love The Fly. It only gets better as I go back to it.

17. The Farmer’s Wife (Watched September 30th)


We currently live in an era directors can break out with an incredibly assured and solid film there first time out of the gate. This isn’t without historical precedence, but in a time before film school, film criticism, music videos, and other venues for aspiring filmmakers to learn/cut their teeth, directors learned through a lot of trial and error. This is highly observable in the early work of one Alfred Hitchcock. Hitchcock would, of course, grow into being one of the greatest directors of all time, but his early work is really hit or miss. The Farmer’s Wife is a film from Hitchcock’s silent period, a comedy about a farmer seeking a new wife after marrying off his daughter. It’s unfunny and overlong film with little story that’s only worth watching for Hitchcock completionists. That said, it’s a hard film to really be angry at. It’s disposable, but not offensive, and when you consider what a legend Hitchcock would become, it’s hard to be upset.

16. Life is Beautiful (Watched January 18th)


It’s rare that I find myself truly offended by a movie, but Life is Beautiful accomplished this that. The film follows a father who tries to protect his son from the horrors of a Nazi concentration camp through his humour and clown like antics. For some, the film is an inspiring tale of the human spirit enduring in the face of evil. This is not what I see. Instead, I see a buffoon acting silly and over-the-top amidst a backdrop of genuine human suffering. It’s a sight that left me tangibly uncomfortable for the majority of the film and in truth I just wanted the film to be over as soon as the characters enter the concentration camp. The production value is good and I think Roberto Benigni’s intentions are pure, but watching the film was a very unsettling experience.

15. 2 Fast 2 Furious (Watched March 28th)


It’s pretty amazing to think the Fast and the Furious movies are now a billion dollar franchise given how quickly they accepted irrelevancy after the first film. The very title of 2 Fast 2 Furious just announces this as some stupid schlock and the film itself follows suit. The semi-gritty crime feel from the original is almost totally gone, in its place are silly antics which seem more at home in a kids cartoon. The over-the-top nature might have been fun, but John Singleton is never able to make any of this feel the least bit cool. The story and characters are also completely boring and the overblown action scenes are too reliant on lame special effects to make the film any better. I will say the final chase is kind of fun, if nothing else for the sheer amount of cars on screen, but the movie still sucks.

Jerry Lewis had the good sense to bury that shit.

14. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (Watched March 29th)


Tokyo Drift is every bit as stupid as its predecessor and it doesn’t even end on a semi-competent chase scene. This film is actually even lamer than 2 Fast 2 Furious, focusing not on cops and criminals, but a bunch of high school students and their coming of age and in no way connects to the previous films (save for a shoehorned cameo and some retconning after the fact). This is not at all the type of story I want to see in an action chase film and the writing is definitely not right for this kind of story. However the film’s greatest sin is the casting of Lucas Black in the lead role. This series will never be one for great thespians, but holy fuck does Black hit new lows for acting in this franchise. The fact that Justin Lin would later be the director to save this franchise is fascinating to me.

13. Every Which Way But Loose (Watched September 23rd)


I may come off as a snobby asshole for hating on this film, but I must stress that it isn’t the premise that doesn’t work here, it’s the execution. The basic premise of a blue-collar guy and his road trip adventures with a pet ape can make for some goofy fun, but a Clint Eastwood production is not the place for this kind of comedy. Eastwood films are defined by a very straightforward and serious approach to storytelling, and as such the film lacks the manic or zany energy necessary for a comedy like this. As a result, most of the comedy is just kind of awkward, though that one shot of Ruth Gordon with a shotgun is pretty funny.

12. Cimarron (Watched February 11th)


There are good things in Cimarron. The opening land grab sequence is a pretty strong set-piece, the film has a decent shoot-out, and the notion of telling a story through many generations is certainly ambitious. The fact that Cimarron has such a firm placement in my list in spite of those positives speaks to just how bad the rest of the movie is. The story is all over the place and the characters arc feel lacking. It doesn’t help that most of the main characters are really unlikeable, particularly Richard Dix who gives an abysmal lead performance. The film is also racially troubling in its depiction of both blacks and natives and the whole thing is just boring.

8. Broadway Melody of 1936 (Watched September 7th)


The Broadway Melody films were a series of musicals released from 1928 to 1940 and the first two were Best Picture nominees, hence why I watched them. Broadway Melody of 1936 was the second film of the series (though the stories to all four are unrelated) and it’s pretty awful. Even when judged strictly for the musical numbers, this thing is a failure. There are only two big musical numbers in the whole film; a dream sequence and a forced climax. Between that, the film has a boring story, forced romance, and awkward comedy. The presence of one Jack Benny does lighten things up a bit, but the film just has no personality or really anything memorable. In the realm of 1930s musicals, the collaborations of Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire blow this out of the water.

7. The Broadway Melody (Watched February 10th)


It wasn’t really a surprise to me that Broadway Melody of 1936 be awful given its roots lay in its terrible Best Picture winning predecessor. To some extent, The Broadway Melody is a victim of its era. This was made very early in the sound period where filmmakers were only just figuring out how to use the new technology. Much of the film is built around conversations, not so much for the details of the dialogue, but just for the novelty of hearing people speak. The musical numbers are also presented in as visually boring a way as possible because, hey, just hearing sound is enough. Even beyond that, the story really is dull and ends up becoming pretty condescending to women. I am giving the film something of a handicap in the list given the time it was made, but it really is a terrible film which is only something I’d recommend to hardcore musical fans (the kind that need to see all of the majors) or anyone interested in Best Picture winners and nominees (a group I fall into).

6. Love is a Many-Splendored Thing (Watched March 24th)


For the most part, Love is a Many-Splendored Thing is just a boring melodrama/romance from the 1950s with some lackluster colour cinematography, a dull story, and an uninteresting lead performance from an actor of William Holden’s character. What locked it a spot in my top ten worst first time viewings of 2015 is the racial politics. You see, the whole tension of the central romance is that the white soldier is dating a Chinese doctor. Seems pretty bold for a less tolerant 1950s, problem is a white actress was cast in the role. Okay, technically the character is “Eurasian” and not 100% Chinese, but the fact that the entire character’s personality (and really the plot on the whole) hinges on her race makes the casting a pretty substantial problem.

Cimarron is probably a lot more flawed, but's also a lot more ambitious, and has at least two somewhat memorable scenes.