Post by Neverending on Jan 29, 2020 3:14:51 GMT -5
#10 - HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 (2011)
This piece of shit conclusion to a piece of shit series was a piece of shit. Harry Potter is a godawful character. We spent 10 years watching him get his ass rescued by the blonde girl, and then in the finale, it's the damn fat kid who saves the day. Get the fuck outta here!
#9 - THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (2012)
Christopher Nolan turned in a first draft screenplay of this movie and Warner Bros said, "sure." Nothing about this highly disappointing threequel makes any goddamn sense. Batman retires after 2 days. Bane takes over Gotham in the most idiotic way possible. The U.S. military can't take out Bane but a crippled Batman can? There's a 5-second bomb that takes 5-minutes to blow up. Batman fakes his death for no reason. You know you fucked up when Joel Schumacher puts more thought into his movies.
#8 - POWER RANGERS (2017)
Speaking of which... the worst thing to happen to 2010's cinema was the Nolan-ization of blockbuster films. With the exception of Fast & Furious, nothing was allowed to be light-hearted, fantastical, and most important of all, FUN. Once you take a camp classic like Power Rangers and give it a gritty reboot you know you've gone too far.
#7 - GODZILLA (2014)
You know what I want from my Godzilla movie? Not watching Godzilla. At least the 1998 Godzilla had some version of a Godzilla. This shit couldn't even bother.
#6 - 12 YEARS A SLAVE (2013)
Every year, the Internet gathers to complain about #OscarsSoWhite, but it's not their fault. The root issue is Hollywood itself. They seldom make movies about Black people, and when they do, half of them are about slaves. Is Will Smith the only Black person who can be in White people movies?! But if we are gonna give the Academy Awards shit for something, it's giving Best Picture to this film about a dude who's a slave for 12 years, but feels like 12 days, and then he's rescued by Brad Pitt as Jesus. I'm glad all these White voters felt good about themselves.
#5 - THE VVITCH (2016)
In this entry you could say 95% of A24 movies, but I'll use one to represent the whole bunch: The VVitch. Here you have a promising movie that, on the surface, seems to bring new ideas to the table but it ultimately does nothing with it. It makes you re-appreciate Mel Gibson and his movies like Passion of the Christ and Apocalypto. In Mel Gibson movies, things actually happen. Here it's just mood, weirdness, pretentiousness, and when the movie is over, you realize it had a story you could have told in 5 minutes. It's a short film stretched into 2 hours that feels like 4 hours. A24, everybody!
#4 - MOTHER (2017)
But wait! It gets worse, my friends. The worst A24 can be is boring. Mother, on the other hand, is just straight up sickening. I get what Aronofsky was going for, but you can get the message across without getting the audience physically ill. You want audiences to immerse themselves not be repelled.
#3 - GEOSTORM (2017)
In the 2010's, China rivaled North America at the box office. Instead of competing, Hollywood bent over to China and made countless blockbusters that were low on intelligence but high on action. You don't want the Chinese to be distracted by story, characters and cultural differences. Fuck that! Let's just watch shit blow up. We can debate which movie is the biggest offender of that, I know y'all want Michael Bay and Transformers, but lets pick Geostorm instead.
#2 & #1 - THE LAST JEDI (2017) AND THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (2019)
You gotta give it up to Disney, J.J. Abrams and Rian Johnson. They accomplished something that even George Lucas couldn't do. They made Star Wars culturally irrelevant. What was once a storied franchise might as well be the Justice League movie. The 2010's. The decade that killed Star Wars.
This piece of shit conclusion to a piece of shit series was a piece of shit. Harry Potter is a godawful character. We spent 10 years watching him get his ass rescued by the blonde girl, and then in the finale, it's the damn fat kid who saves the day. Get the fuck outta here!
#9 - THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (2012)
Christopher Nolan turned in a first draft screenplay of this movie and Warner Bros said, "sure." Nothing about this highly disappointing threequel makes any goddamn sense. Batman retires after 2 days. Bane takes over Gotham in the most idiotic way possible. The U.S. military can't take out Bane but a crippled Batman can? There's a 5-second bomb that takes 5-minutes to blow up. Batman fakes his death for no reason. You know you fucked up when Joel Schumacher puts more thought into his movies.
#8 - POWER RANGERS (2017)
Speaking of which... the worst thing to happen to 2010's cinema was the Nolan-ization of blockbuster films. With the exception of Fast & Furious, nothing was allowed to be light-hearted, fantastical, and most important of all, FUN. Once you take a camp classic like Power Rangers and give it a gritty reboot you know you've gone too far.
#7 - GODZILLA (2014)
You know what I want from my Godzilla movie? Not watching Godzilla. At least the 1998 Godzilla had some version of a Godzilla. This shit couldn't even bother.
#6 - 12 YEARS A SLAVE (2013)
Every year, the Internet gathers to complain about #OscarsSoWhite, but it's not their fault. The root issue is Hollywood itself. They seldom make movies about Black people, and when they do, half of them are about slaves. Is Will Smith the only Black person who can be in White people movies?! But if we are gonna give the Academy Awards shit for something, it's giving Best Picture to this film about a dude who's a slave for 12 years, but feels like 12 days, and then he's rescued by Brad Pitt as Jesus. I'm glad all these White voters felt good about themselves.
#5 - THE VVITCH (2016)
In this entry you could say 95% of A24 movies, but I'll use one to represent the whole bunch: The VVitch. Here you have a promising movie that, on the surface, seems to bring new ideas to the table but it ultimately does nothing with it. It makes you re-appreciate Mel Gibson and his movies like Passion of the Christ and Apocalypto. In Mel Gibson movies, things actually happen. Here it's just mood, weirdness, pretentiousness, and when the movie is over, you realize it had a story you could have told in 5 minutes. It's a short film stretched into 2 hours that feels like 4 hours. A24, everybody!
#4 - MOTHER (2017)
But wait! It gets worse, my friends. The worst A24 can be is boring. Mother, on the other hand, is just straight up sickening. I get what Aronofsky was going for, but you can get the message across without getting the audience physically ill. You want audiences to immerse themselves not be repelled.
#3 - GEOSTORM (2017)
In the 2010's, China rivaled North America at the box office. Instead of competing, Hollywood bent over to China and made countless blockbusters that were low on intelligence but high on action. You don't want the Chinese to be distracted by story, characters and cultural differences. Fuck that! Let's just watch shit blow up. We can debate which movie is the biggest offender of that, I know y'all want Michael Bay and Transformers, but lets pick Geostorm instead.
#2 & #1 - THE LAST JEDI (2017) AND THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (2019)
You gotta give it up to Disney, J.J. Abrams and Rian Johnson. They accomplished something that even George Lucas couldn't do. They made Star Wars culturally irrelevant. What was once a storied franchise might as well be the Justice League movie. The 2010's. The decade that killed Star Wars.
