Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 11, 2017 23:42:37 GMT -5
Only 7 minutes into the movie and they're already setting up the incest. This movie doesn't fuck around.
Don't worry. Paulie isn't trying to fuck Adrian. It's the kids that wanna fuck each other.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 11, 2017 23:50:00 GMT -5
Hey, haunted house. Let these people unpack before you fuck with them. Actually, no, you're right. You gave them a chance to leave. It's their fault. Do your thing.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:01:34 GMT -5
This house REALLY doesn't want people here.
"Father, come bless our home."
Too late, bitch. Just get out. Sue the real estate company. 'You sold me a haunted house, you fuck!'
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:07:32 GMT -5
The evil spirit doesn't possess Paulie cause it's like "nah, this n---a already possessed. I'll go for the son."
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:08:51 GMT -5
Has Paulie ever played a character that wasn't a drunken asshole? Well, I guess there was the limo driver in Back to School.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:18:49 GMT -5
Whoever directed this movie clearly watched The Evil Dead. It's amazing how quickly people started ripping off Sam Raimi. They even have the son dressed like Ash. This whole possession scene could have been a major lawsuit but Dino De Laurentiis thought ahead and paid for Evil Dead II. Good guy, Dino.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:25:23 GMT -5
The Incest happens at 40 minutes in case you guys wanna fast forward through Paulie beating his wife & kids and Evil Dead knock off's.
This n---a gets possessed and the first thing he does is fuck his sister.
This movie isn't classy like the original or those Conjuring/Annabelle movies. This is the filthy Italian made sequel you don't tell people you watched.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:31:26 GMT -5
"Father, I have sinned."
Bitch, don't tell the priest you fucked your brother. That n---a gonna jerk off to that. The fuck is wrong with you? Take that shit to your grave, which at this rate, will be pretty soon. If the haunted house doesn't kill you, your asshole drunk father will.
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:35:35 GMT -5
Smartasses will say he was possessed. That's when you say SHE wasn't. And then you stop and question all the bad decisions you made that led you to having a conversation about Amityville Horror II: The Incest.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:41:51 GMT -5
Anyway, at this point, everyone knows the house is haunted. Do they move? No! Let's call the Catholic Church and cleanse this house. No, dumbasses. Just fucking move, burn this fucking house down and sue the real estate company. This isn't an isolated incident. Two other families went through this shit already. These idiots make the orphan girls from Annabelle: Creation look like Einstein.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:49:08 GMT -5
Just in case you forgot this guy was possessed, they gave him a disfigured face.
Oh, dang. He killed Paulie.
Possession or not, that was bound to happen.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 0:58:26 GMT -5
Fucked up they killed the mom, but dumb bitch had plenty of chances to leave. The children, however, that's cold, man. Didn't I mention there are kids in this movie? Sorry about that. I was too busy discussing drunk fathers and teenagers engaging incest. My bad. But yeah, dude takes a shotgun and blows these kids head off. Italians, man. If you're ever depressed about the state of American movies, just watch an Italian one. Sober you up real quick.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 1:03:31 GMT -5
"You can't enter this crime scene."
"It's okay. I'm a priest."
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 1:26:20 GMT -5
Wow.
They're ripping off Poltergeist.
They couldn't have just ended with the guy killing his family. They needed the priest to investigate the house, which turns out, was built on top of an Indian burial group. That's just fucking racist, man. At least Poltergeist was just a goofy special effects movie. No one died in it. This movie is about a guy grabbing a shotgun and killing his family. On top of that, let's not forget these movies are based on real events. Forget all the supernatural nonsense. A guy really did murder his family at Amityville. The first movie isn't exactly in good taste but at least it has fictional characters and is mostly playing off the shenanigans of the Warrens, the idiots from the Conjuring. This shit doesn't even waste it's time with the Warrens. It just goes straight to bullshit. You're gonna tell me Long Island is built on Indian burial grounds? Get the fuck outta here. How wasn't this movie buried in lawsuits?
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 1:44:03 GMT -5
Not gonna lie. This movie is getting creepy. It's just priest vs demon boy now in the abandoned house.
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Neverending
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 1:52:39 GMT -5
Alright. The movie wasn't a total waste of time. That was a strong ending. Great make-up effects. Strong performances. Creepy as fuck as the spirit leaps from the boy to the priest. You earned one star, movie. Good job.
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 2:28:41 GMT -5
Anyway, don't worry. This shit isn't 3 hours long. In case you wanna watch it for yourself. I had to pause it several times to look up the bullshit claims it makes.
First up. I was wrong. Indian burial grounds is actually something that was falsely attributed during the whole real life incident, which Native American communities immediately dismissed. So YOU'RE the thief, Spielberg.
Alright. Some backstory. In case you guys don't know your Amityville history.
In 1974, a 23-year-old heroin addict killed his whole family. This movie is actually based on that. It's supposed to be a prequel, even though nothing about it says prequel. The incest stuff is speculated to be real as the guy and his 18-year-old sister were a little too close and there's a theory she may have taken part in the murders. Everyone, except the mom and sister, were killed in their sleep. Since a shotgun was used you'd think SOMEONE would have heard something and woken up. The motive for the murders was insurance money and the guy initially blamed the mafia since the family does have ties to the mob. What most likely happened is that he and the sister split up the murders, the mom woke up, some struggle happened and they both ended up dead.
A year later the Lutz move in and that's when things get stupid. They're the ones that claimed the house was haunted and the first movie is based on them. All that shit was disputed and 40+ years of non-activity proves it. But Hollywood came calling and that led to the Amityville/Conjuring/Annabelle franchise,
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 7:21:05 GMT -5
Ah, what a beautiful morning.
Drinking my coffee.
Watching my caged birds watch birds fly.
Life doesn't get any better than this.
Wait.
What is that?
Amityville 3D?
Oh, God. No.
Nooooo!!!!!
I forgot my 3D glasses!
Before Avatar, James Cameron made a movie called Piranha 3D. It was groundbreaking and spawned such films as Jaws 3D, Friday the 13th 3D and this shit. But I'll tell you folks more about it in my next video essay.
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 7:25:03 GMT -5
Candy Clarke is the biggest star in this movie. You're telling me no one in Hollywood wanted to make Amityville 3D?
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 7:29:15 GMT -5
These idiots doing a seance in a haunted house. The fuck is wrong with you people?
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 7:31:02 GMT -5
What a twist! They're reporters exposing frauds. You just know they're gonna die.
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 7:36:15 GMT -5
Are these idiots supposed to be the Warrens? Is that what's going on here? First movie is the Lutz. Second movie the mafia people. And now the Warrens?
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thebtskink
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It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
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Post by thebtskink on Aug 12, 2017 7:37:46 GMT -5
What time do you work? Do you sleep?
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 7:39:30 GMT -5
Oh, shit. Aunt Becky from Full House... AND Meg Ryan. Guess everyone has their Geostorm.
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Post by Neverending on Aug 12, 2017 7:45:52 GMT -5
The owner of the Amityville home got killed by 3D flies. That's what you get for bringing reporters into this house and making a mockery of it.
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